


Stripped to the Bone

by Draquete



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: (making trishica canon through J2), (only in the first chap and then they become friends), All the non-con are NOT shown but it will be discussed throughout the whole fic, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fix-It of Sorts, Jessica Jones AU, M/M, Minor Character Death, Minor Jensen Ackles/Danneel Harris, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Superpowers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-10-29 00:25:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 31,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10842618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Draquete/pseuds/Draquete
Summary: Jensen Ackles, Private Eye, has just got a new case. After following the clues and finding out who's behind the kidnapping of an aspiring actress from Ohio, Jensen's past come back to life and he's forced to deal with his demons and nightmares if he wants to help free the girl from a crime she didn't intentionally commit.aka the Jessica Jones!AU no one asked for.





	1. aka Choices

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that in the first few chapters, many scenes will be basically word-by-word/scene-by-scene from the Netflix series Jessica Jones, but it'll have many twists to make J2 (aka trishica) canon. Later on, many things will still be very similar, but you'll notice the differences between the show and the fic.
> 
> This is unbeta'd, so if anyone wants to volunteer to help with grammar/typos, I'd be glad to have you (contact me on tumblr at either ghivasheluh or draquete).
> 
> The update will be slow, but they will happen. I already have 2 (and a half) more chapters ready, but I'll post them with at least a week apart since I'm still focusing on finishing Heartlines for the Hobbit Big Bang. However, once it's over, I'll focus on writing this one (+ some one shots).
> 
> Also, I'll be adding tags as I go because 1. I don't want to give too many spoilers and 2. I might forget about them now and remember only when I post the chapter for the specific tag (more likely tbh).

There was a loud noise in the kitchen and Jensen was startled awake. Images of a much unpleasant time came to mind instantly. His reaction was to get out of bed and open the bedroom door slowly, noiselessly. He was ready to fight if he needed to. As he got closer, he noticed it was his neighbor in his own kitchen.

“What the hell, man? What are you doing here?” Just as he spoke, Misha, his neighbour, lifted the spoon he was holding as if to protect himself.

“What are you doing in my house?” Jensen frowned and it was so clear the man was high and probably got into the wrong apartment. Jensen sighed and crossed his arms.

“No, this is my house. What are you doing here?” He asked once more and Misha looked utterly confused. He looked at the bowl of cereal in front of him and nodded.

“That’s why there’s cereal.” He murmured to himself and Jensen had to force himself not to roll his eyes. With a tug, he pulled Misha up and started dragging him to the door. “Ouch.”

“Don’t come into my apartment again, Misha, not if you don’t want me to break your neck.” Misha looked a bit spooked, but Jensen was certain he hadn’t fully comprehended the threat. When he opened the broken door, though, there was an old couple by his door and the four of them stared at each other uncomfortably for a few seconds before Jensen finally spoke. “Yes? May I help you?” He then pushed Misha so the man was finally out of his apartment.

“Hm…” The woman started. “Are you Jensen Ackles, the Private Investigator?” Jensen arched an eyebrow and nodded.

“Yes.” He said simply, waiting for them to continue speaking.

“We want to hire you to find our daughter. She’s been missing, you see.” The woman continued, but Jensen couldn’t help but feel restless.

“Isn’t this a case for the police?”

“They were the ones who gave us your name.” At Jensen’s face, the man continued: “Is this unusual?” Not wanting to lose a job, Jensen lied.

“No, not at all. Come on in.” He gave them space to enter the room and motioned for them to sit by his desk and then he sat himself. “Okay, let’s start by the beginning. What’s your, and your daughter’s, names and why do you think she’s missing.”

“I’m Nancy Palicki, and this is my husband Jeffrey. Our daughter Adrianne has been missing for a while.” Jensen took a pen from his desk and a notepad and started writing down their names, needing all information to check if this family was real and if this girl was, indeed, missing. In this line of work, he learnt the hard way that people lied, mostly just to check if he could notice whether the case was actually a ploy, but once or twice his life had been put in actual danger.

“The last time we talked to her was on my wife’s birthday, almost a month ago. She used to call us every other day, and when she was busy she’d let us know that she’d call us the next day. But after a very weird phone call, we haven’t heard of her again.” The father, Jeffrey, said.

“But how can you be sure she’s missing?” Jensen asked, looking up from his notepad.

“When we tried to call, we found out her phone had been disconnected, and when we tried to talk to her roommate, she told us Adrianne started dating a boy and then suddenly vanished. She thinks Adrianne moved in with this boyfriend of hers, but we know our daughter, and she would never do something like that.” The mother, Nancy, seemed genuinely distressed, but Jensen had been fooled before.

“Which is why we think she was kidnapped.” The father added and Jensen licked his lips before putting his notepad back on his table.

“Okay. I’ll look into it. But I must warn you that this often doesn’t end well for the clients. There is a possibility that she just moved in with a guy and is trying to cut ties with a past life. I’ve seen it happen before.” Both Nancy and Jeffrey shook their heads vehemently.

“No, you don’t understand. She would never do anything like that.” Jensen pursed his lips, having a sense of deja-vu. Every time he warned his clients that they might not like what Jensen found out, every time his clients claimed they’d be okay with the outcome and every time Jensen had to physically throw someone out of his apartment.

But he understood how these parents might be feeling, he understood that until they didn’t know for sure if their daughter was alive and well, that they wouldn’t rest and live properly. So he agreed. He took a pre-made contract and gave it to the parents to sign, explaining payment and getting their phone numbers. After a while, they left and Jensen sighed before brewing himself some coffee and sitting with his laptop in hand to make some research.

So apparently, Adrianne Palicki did exist. She was twenty years old, had been a track runner back in Ohio at her High School. She had also been a runner-up for homecoming queen – at that Jensen rolled his eyes – and had participated in two school plays. Now she had been in Los Angeles for a year studying acting and she had been in two independent movies as an extra. A star in the rise, then.

The parents were also legit, not wealthy, but had stable jobs and seemed to live an honest life. They also had a son, Eric, who was older than Adrianne and a comic book writer living in New York. Boring, all of them, but at least they didn’t have anything from their pasts that could come back to haunt them. Adrianne’s disappearance, if it was indeed a kidnap, was probably a random one, and not one out of vengeance for the family.

Jensen tried to track down Adrianne’s credit card to see if he could have a lead, but that would take a while to come up with results, and until then he couldn’t stop. A girl was missing and it was a dangerous world out there. She could be in danger and if that was the case, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if something happened to the girl while he was on her case. Although, he knew the odds and the probability of her still being alive if this was a kidnapping were slim. Still, he’d find her, dead or alive.

His first stop would be to go to Adrianne’s old apartment, the one she used to share with her roommate. People often overlooked things left behind, threw them away, tossed them into boxes and forgot them inside closets. He’d have more luck if he went there then and talked to her friend. Hopefully he’d have some more news.

A petite blonde opened the door to Adrianne’s old apartment and Jensen knew it was the roommate, Alona Tal. Behind her, on the sofa, there was a guy playing video games with a huge headset on his head, talking fast as quick flashes of light flew from the tv screen.

“I’m Jensen, Private Eye. I’m looking for Adrianne Palicki. Her parents told me she lived here. Can I come in and talk?” Alona pursed her lips but nodded, motioning for Jensen to sit either on the sofa next to the guy or on the armchair. He chose the armchair.

“This is Osric.” She said, sitting by Osric’s side and nudging him on the side, which made him tell everyone he was taking a break and then disconnecting the game. “Osric, this is Jensen. He’s a PI. Looking for Adrianne.”

“Hey, man.” Osric smiled and let go of the remote control so he could shake hands with Jensen. “I haven’t actually met her, though.” This Osric said to Alona, who just sighed.

“I know. But I feel more comfortable talking about her with someone by my side.” Osric smiled softly and petted her on the shoulder. “Look, I don’t know much myself.” She started, looking at Jensen at a loss. “I’m pissed at her for abandoning me and running away with an older guy. She was supposed to be my best friend, you know? We came here together, we had big plans. We were supposed to have each other’s backs every step of the way.” She pursed her lips again and look at the floor, Jensen gave her a moment before speaking.

“You think she might have left because you were against her relationship?” Alona’s eyes narrowed at the question and she looked at Jensen once more.

“ _That_ ’s not the problem. I didn’t even know the guy. She just came home one day saying how in love she was with this guy and that he had asked her to move in and that she had said yes. I didn’t even know she was seeing someone.” Osric brought his hand to Alona’s shoulder, stroking it lightly, trying to give her some comfort.

“Did she leave anything behind? Clothes, pictures, a diary maybe?” Alona shook her head, but Osric looked at Jensen.

“She had told Alona to sell her stuff to help with rent, and after I moved in we tried to sell most of her stuff, but there were some things that we couldn’t sell. I think I have a box with the things in my closet. Hang on.” Saying that, he stood up and left the room, Jensen looked at Alona once more. Before he could speak, Alona started talking again, eyes on her feet again.

“It isn’t like her to act like that.” She paused, hands fumbling together, before she sighed and looked at Jensen. “But she did seem happy when she talked about the guy and she seemed excited to be moving in with him. I know her, I’d know if she was lying to me, y’know? Which is why I think she’s okay. I’m just… really upset.”

“This guy…” Jensen started, grabbing Alona’s attention again before she looked away. “Did she tell you his name or anything else? Apart of him being older.” Alona shook her head again.

“No. She didn’t tell me anything. I don’t know if she was worried I’d tell her parents or, or whatever. But she didn’t tell me anything.” He saw her eyes getting filled with tears, but then Osric was coming back with a box. Jensen looked at it, seeing some pictures – some he had found on the internet, others were probably from her childhood. There were other random objects he overlooked before finally looking at her bills. He pocketed the most recent one and then looked at Alona and Osric, nodding at them.

“Thanks for the help.” Alona just nodded and Osric saw him out.

Once back at home, Jensen tried to check the credit card bill he had taken and he found out it had been paid online. Jensen then let his computer working on the credit card as it had been already and he decided to take a nap. Most nights he couldn’t sleep, if he managed to get more than four hours per day, that was a blessing. Partly, it was good for his job. He could spend whole nights on the streets, digging dirt on people. However, it was no good for himself – always stressed, tired, on edge.

Thankfully, he didn’t need to interact with anyone aside from his clients, and with them it was actually good that he was on edge. They tried to be funny, to act like they knew best, and it was good to have the upper hand, even if that meant manhandling someone out of his apartment and scaring them enough to at least pay.

So, it was obvious when sleep didn’t come easy for him. He drank half a bottle of a cheap whiskey before he was able to get some shuteye. It was a dreamless sleep for a good couple of hours before the memories began and his sleep became restless. But it was only when he felt a tongue licking his stubbled cheek that he jolted away, getting up from his couch where he had fallen asleep and knocking over the rest of the whiskey he had been drinking.

Breathing harshly, Jensen brought a hand to his mouth, covering it in an attempt to not scream, to force his breathing down. He didn’t even notice the tears threatening to fall down his face and he looked around until he was sure no one was in his apartment.

“Oblate Drive.” Jensen started, voice shaken, running the hand that had been on his mouth over his hair before closing his eyes and breathing in deeply. “Dellwood Drive.” He continued, his voice slightly steadier, but still full of fear. “Medowood Lane.” He sighed, sitting on the couch again, although he felt completely uncomfortable, but it helped him to focus. “El Montan Avenue.” He finished, running a hand against his face again.

He stayed put for a good five minutes before standing up and going to take a shower. Jensen rubbed at his face as the hot water hit him, trying to shake away his exhaustion and cleanse away the tears he had felt falling before he entered the shower. Once out of the shower, he got dressed and, taking a small bottle of vodka, Jensen left. At first, he had thought that walking aimlessly around LA would be enough, but his legs carried him to a familiar bar, not so far from where he lived now. Usually he lurked in the shadows, in dark alleys or on someone else’s fire escape, but today he felt on edge and the vodka in his hand was almost over.

Looking through the window, he tried to see the familiar face he often came around to see, but couldn’t find it. It was only when he was deciding he was the hugest jerk on the planet and shouldn’t even be there in the first place that a high pitched voice sounded behind him.

“Not gonna come in?” Jensen turned on his heels and looked at the small woman, who was currently putting down a big trash bag. Jensen just fidgeted in his place for a while, looking at anywhere but her. “C’mon. Why won’t you come in?” Her voice was cocky and as Jensen looked up, he could see she had her hands on her hips, head slightly tilted to the side.

She was beautiful, had delicate features, her hair, a dark auburn colour, fell in waves around her face. One could say she was angelic, but there was malice in her smile, mischief in the way her eyes light up as she looked him up and down. Licking his lips and decided to just go with it, Jensen downed his vodka, threw the bottle in the trash and nodded, following the girl inside.

For most of the night, the girl would go with drinks all around and an older man helped her. She didn’t stop to talk to him for long, but every once in a while, she’d glance at him and smirk invitingly or even wink at him. Jensen couldn’t help but accept that he was attracted by this girl, had been since the moment he laid eyes on her almost a whole year ago. This was the first time he let himself talk to her – although he technically hadn’t said a word yet – and she seemed nice, but also wild and Jensen was curious and couldn’t deny the appeal the girl had.

Much later, when the bar was about to close, the older man said his goodbyes for the girl and she finally stopped in front of him, on her side of the bar, and leant forward – letting her breasts show more with the action –, resting on her elbows as she looked at him.

“I’m Danneel, I don’t think I’ve told you.” Jensen downed the scotch he was drinking before shaking her hand.

“Jensen. It’s a nice bar you run here.” Jensen said, looking around, making the girl look too. Jensen turned his eyes to her then and saw something sad and nostalgic cross her face before she smirked again and cocked her hip to the side, looking at Jensen with interest.

“Thanks.” Danneel poured him another drink before speaking again. “I’ve seen you around before, but you never came in.” She said matter-of-factly and Jensen wondered if he had been so obvious all the time. But surely a woman wouldn’t be interested in a guy who had pretty much stalked her for a year, that didn’t sound safe or normal. So he guessed that a couple of times he might have slipped, she might have caught him looking a bit too much to the bar, but not enough to make him a creep.

“I prefer to drink from something bigger than a shot glass.” He held up the glass she was serving him the alcohol and, once again, downed it. She chuckled, but didn’t pour another drink for him.

“You seem far too sober for someone who had been drinking non stop since you got here. Or even since before that.” She said, mentioning the vodka she had caught him drinking outside. Jensen just shrugged, looking at the glass on the table.

“How long have you been doing this?” He asked, looking up to see her start to scrub at the bar. It was her turn to shrug.

“A while.” She replied, enigmatic. However, there was no smirk on her face, and even though Jensen already knew the answer to that, it was clear that the girl had no intentions in sharing her life with him. Not that he blamed her. From the little he had found out about her, he knew she was a very private person.

“You from around here? Got friends here? Family?” Again, he thought he knew the answer to that already, but he needed to hear it from her. Danneel, however, shrugged again and started washing some of the shot glasses as she looked at him.

“I’ve got regulars.” She said, opening a mysterious smirk and Jensen knew he wouldn’t be able to get any information out of her. He remained in silence for a while, watching her work, but she might have felt uncomfortable because it was her turn to ask him questions. “Hard day at work?”

“Aren’t they always?” He said with a purse of his lips and he looked down at his empty glass and wondered if he should ask for another, but fought against it. He had drank a lot and he was feeling tipsy – or as tipsy as someone like him could be –, therefore the best option was to stop now and try and actually talk to the girl.

“If you don’t like going to work, you should find another job.” She said with a much more honest smile – a small one, but sincere. It was beautiful, just like the rest of her.

“But I _am_ working the new work.” He said with a smile of his own, although he had to admit it wasn’t as sincere as Danneel’s. Still, the girl seemed amused, maybe feeling more comfortable around here to talk instead of just flirt shamelessly from across the room – he hoped it was because of him and not simply because of the lack of other patrons on the bar.

“Yeah? And what do you do?” At that, Jensen gave a more mischievous smile. He fumbled with his pocket until he got out a small business card and set it on the table. And even though he had been curious to see her reaction, he did not expect her face to darken the moment her eyes caught the words on it. “You’re a PI?” Even her voice became more sombre, and Jensen wondered if there was more to her than he knew.

“Just trying to make a living. Booze costs money, y’know.” He kept his smile, trying to show her that whatever it was that she was afraid he had found out was still a secret and there was nothing she should be afraid of.

“There are better ways to ‘make a living’ than digging up people’s business.” Her tone was a bit harsh and she even took the empty glass Jensen had stopped fumbling with to clean it. He sighed before talking again.

“It’s the only thing I’m good at.” He was serious now; no fake smiles, no fake tone. He was being deadly sincere and she noticed, narrowing her eyes at him.

“How good?” It was almost a challenge and, at that, Jensen couldn’t help but smile. She was spiteful as well, and by the minute she became more and more attractive.

“A natural.” He leaned back on his chair as she finished cleaning the glasses and set her hands on the table after drying them off.

“Yeah? What have you detected, then?” There was the challenge again, and the smile she gave him was forced, but he didn’t let that tamper him.

“Well. I can tell by the residue on this bar that four years ago, a man named Horace had buffalo wings.” At the end of that, he smiled at her, a real smile, and he could see her relaxing again, feeling more at ease, her body losing the edge it had gotten.

“His name was Melvin, actually.” She said with a face, but then chuckled. She still seemed a bit reserved, mainly considering she hadn’t flirted with him since she found out he was a Private Eye, but it was progress to see her smile. He licked his lips and brought a hand to the nape of his neck in embarrassment as he talked:

“I mostly just stand in dark alleys and wait to take pictures of people fucking.” He admitted and now she was finally completely at ease. Whatever her secret was, had nothing to do with sex, then.

“Yeah, well, you haven’t taken your eyes off of me since you came in.” She pointed out, flicking a lock of her hair so it would fall behind her shoulder as she leant in again. The challenge in her eyes was still there, but this time Jensen felt inclined to taking the bait.

“I could say the same.” At that, she laughed. Not a chuckle, but a loud laughter, her eyes closing in the process. “Besides, it’s what I do. Sometimes it’s hard to stop.” She licker her lips, forcing a smile back.

“Or it’s just your way of flirting.” Danneel raised an eyebrow at him, letting him know that this was exactly what she had been doing the whole night – and partly what she had hoped he had been doing as well.

“Oh I don’t flirt. But you do.” He said, raising his chin in her direction and crossing his arms as he continued. “But not for sport. It’s got purpose. A bar, usually filled with many male customers? Flirt more, tip more.” As to prove his point, he got his wallet and counted the money, paying her for everything he had drank that night. She arched an eyebrow at him, taking the money but not pocketing it yet, as if trying to figure him out.

“What else have you figured out?” She leant on her elbows again, but this time she wasn’t being mindful of her cleavage, eyes set on his and he couldn’t look away from her eyes either as he started talking.

“A drunk pukes on you or spills his drink on the floor, you just roll with it. But if something’s broken or scratched, the responsible is kicked out.” Danneel’s smile got fake again, but she didn’t speak. “I’ve never seen a dive bar this clean. Because you care about it.” Danneel looked around, as if taking in the space she owned. “More than anything. Probably even more than anyone.” At that, she looked back at him, brows furrowed. “There’s history here. Memories. Something personal, but private, because there’s no photos or memorabilia.” Danneel pursed her lips at that, probably not wanting to let on how impressed she was with him. “But you also like men. Temporarily at least.” At that, she rose her eyebrows, a smile tugging at her lips again. “And they like you.”

He made sure it was obvious what he meant by that and Danneel was quick to pick it up. “This sounds an awful lot like flirting to me.” She rested her hand on top of his and he smiled brightly at her.

“I told you already. I don’t flirt. I say exactly what I want.” He said matter-of-factly, taking Danneel’s hand in his, feeling how soft they were even though she had been handling bottles and washing glasses all night.

“And what do you want?” Her voice was sensual and Jensen leant forward as well, their breaths mingling.

“Right now, I wanna kiss you.”

 

 

As they laid on the bed side by side, trying to catch his breath after a rough round of sex, Jensen finally had to stop and think about what he had just done. Without saying a word, he stood up and went to the adjacent bathroom, closing the door behind him as he breathed in and out, eyes closed tightly. When he thought he was not going to have a breakdown in Danneel’s bathroom, he went to the sink and washed his face, but the look of his own face in the mirror annoyed him, so he opened the small cabinet, hoping to find an aspirin.

What he did find was a photograph of a petite young woman.

Flashes of another day blinded him for a moment and he saw the light of this girl’s eyes fade out into nothingness, death consuming her instantly. He had to close the mirror to stop a sob and, with that, he walked out of the bathroom and started dressing himself. Danneel was sitting on the bed, her bare back to him and he was about to leave before hesitating for a second.

“Sorry.” He said, finally leaving, not looking back to see Danneel’s reaction or waiting to hear a reply.

He had made a terrible mistake and he should have had more control over himself. How could he stoop so low? How could he be such a jerk?

He knew he was fucked up, that he was a failure. But he never thought he would stoop so low. And yet, there he was. If Jensen didn’t already hate himself, he would probably do now.

As soon as he reached the street, he leant against the wall of Danneel’s building and puked, the alcohol he had drank earlier burned his throat as he emptied his stomach. Bringing a hand to his eyes in an ill attempt to not cry, Jensen had to curse himself in his mind, reminding himself how awful he was and that he should never go to the bar again, never seek Danneel again.

He went home, not really paying attention to the world around him, not really caring about anything else. He felt numb, disgusted with himself.

He managed to fall asleep when he got home.

 

 

The next morning Jensen woke up with the shrill noise of his phone ringing. He didn’t even look who was calling before he picked it up, but he shouldn’t have been surprised when he heard Nancy Palicki’s voice on the other side of the phone, sounding worried – about him and about Adrianne, not really knowing what to think – but Jensen managed to calm her down, promising her that he had only had a rough night looking for her daughter.

“She made some purchases during this month. Each week, she spent in something, and quite a high amount too.” He said once he grabbed his laptop and checked the credit card information. He had the name of the stores, he would go there and look to see if anyone saw her. Even though Nancy was saying Adrianne wouldn’t just spend money carelessly like that, Jensen still promised to check the stores and call them back if he had any leads on her.

The first place Adrianne had spent money on was a high class lingerie shop and he sighed deeply before entering it. The women in there looked a bit annoyed at his presence but a clerk came ask if he needed any help. After showing a picture of Adrianne and telling her he was a PI looking for this missing girl, the girl frowned and shook her head, but showed the picture to each clerk, until one of them said she remembered the girl, but it had been almost a month she had been there. She explained what Adrianne bought, but Jensen didn’t see how that was relevant to the case, mainly if it was almost a month ago and it could have been before the disappearance.

The second place was a fancy menswear store and he frowned, wondering if Adrianne went there to buy her new man something he asked. Showing the picture, the clerk who was talking to him nodded when Jensen asked if she had been there, and he told him she had bought a purple shirt and a purple tie as a present to her boyfriend – if he remembered correctly, he added, but Jensen already had his answer, although the choice of colour left him with an itch under his skin.

The third and final place had been a japanese restaurant, one that Jensen hadn’t even heard of before, but as he reached the place, his heart started hammering against his chest. “No.” He whispered, breathing already quickening, but he had come this far, he couldn’t back down now, even if he could feel a panic attack starting. He entered the restaurant, even though it was clear that they were still getting ready to open. A man came talk to him as soon as he entered.

“I’m sorry, but we’re not open for the night yet.” He apologized, a charismatic smile on his face. “Would you like to make a reservation?” He asked, but Jensen ignored him.

“Did this use to be Il Rosso?” He looked around, and although the decoration was different now, he could see it was still the same restaurant.

“Yes. We opened eight months ago.” Jensen saw he was about to say something else, but he took Adrianne’s picture out of his pocket and showed it to the man, asking if he had ever seen this girl. The man hesitated and his lips twitched as he tried not to purse his lips and keep the smile in place. “May I ask why you’d like to know?”

“I’m a Private Investigator.” He said roughly, expecting it to be obvious what he wanted to know. The man, however, seemed quite anxious when he spoke next.

“I don’t need any more trouble—“

“Any more?” Jensen interrupted, heart still beating crazily, mainly at the prospect that the girl had, indeed, eaten there. “So she _was_ here.” It wasn’t a question and the man opened his mouth to reply, but for a moment nothing got out of it.

“Last week.” He confirmed, looking a bit defeated, but trying his hardest to keep his composure. When the man didn’t say anything else, Jensen closed his eyes for a second before looking at the man again and pressing:

“Was she alone?”

“You should probably talk to my manager—“ He started to turn as if to call for someone, but Jensen grabbed his arm, trying not to squeeze too hard, but he noticed his hands were shaking when he held the man.

“Just tell me what happened.” He begged, his voice breaking as he said the words and the man finally started talking, being helpful for once.

“Her… companion wanted a particular table at the back.” At the words, Jensen’s stomach sank and he felt like vomiting again, but he forced himself to just listen. “A couple was already sitting there, but I… I don’t know what came over me, must have lost my mind or something, but I ordered them to leave. Then the sommelier comped him a $500 bottle of wine and, when he asked for a dish from Il Rosso, our chef actually went after the recipe and prepared it.”

At that, Jensen tuned the man out. He knew what table the man was talking about, he knew how it felt to be compelled to do something you didn’t previously want but then, with the right enunciation, some words could make you feel like you wanted to do it. He started walking, unable to believe this, and around him, the scene changed.

The restaurant, now filled with people, the smell of garlic bread, tomato sauce and cheese making his head spin as the urge to puke grew stronger, but his legs were taking him to that table, where he could see himself in a gorgeous three piece suit, a soft smile on his lips, toasting to something. The man he knew was sitting in front of him spoke, his voice low and melodic, telling Jensen he would love the food and Jensen eagerly agreeing before the man asked him to smile and Jensen did, feeling happy.

“I don’t understand why he’d come to a Japanese restaurant to order classic Italian pasta—“

“Amatriciana.” Jensen spoke at the same time as the man, eyes now fixed on an empty table and Jensen had to blink a few times to believe he had just relived a memory, that he wasn’t there anymore.

“Do you know him?” The man asked, confusion clear in his voice, but Jensen had to get out of there, had to run, had to hide, had to go far away and never come back. “He’s not coming back, is he?” The man asked in a loud voice, but Jensen didn’t answer him, didn’t even think he could actually speak without having a break down.

Once out of the restaurant, Jensen looked around as if expecting to see someone, anyone that could be stalking him, observing him. But his mind wasn’t on it, he wasn’t focusing or paying proper attention anymore, so he did the only thing he could: he ran back home.

As he ran, he kept on repeating “Oblate Drive, Dellwood Drive, Medowood Lane, El Montan Avenue”, not knowing what else to think or to believe. This couldn’t be happening, this couldn’t be true. Someone must be mocking him, making sure he went crazy – as if he wasn’t already doing a great job about it himself. Before he reached his apartment, he realized he should probably contact Nancy and Jeffrey Palicki, tell them to go back to Ohio and don’t talk to anyone. The rational part of his mind was telling him that these parents wouldn’t just leave without finding their daughter, but the adrenaline was blinding him.

However, before he knocked on the door, a thought occurred to him, something even worse than everything else. Jensen knocked urgently and Adrianne’s father opened the door, already asking about his daughter.

“Who gave my name to you at the police station?” When they continued asking about Adrianne, not answering him, he punched the wall, breaking it easily, the pain not even making him flinch. “Who gave my name to you? Was it a cop?” Frightened, the woman finally spoke.

“No, uh… It was a man.” Jensen narrowed his eyes and he waited, needing to know more. “He was… either filling a complaint or paying a fine, I don’t know. But he overheard us talking to the police officer and he told us about you, said you were the best. If anyone could find her, it would be you.”

“Did you get his name? Anything? What he looked like?” Jensen was about to panic again, he could feel it, his breathing already quickening, but he couldn’t just bolt without being sure, without being positive that he was not insane.

“Sorry.” The man said, shaking his head. “He was wearing a purple suit, though. Purple shirt, purple necktie. He had a beard and a very low voice.” Jeffrey looked at his wife, trying to think of anything else. “Oh, I think he said he knew you? Your acquaintance, maybe?” Jensen paled, feeling cold sweat form on the base of his neck. By the unusual fondness for the colour purple, Jensen already knew who it was, and the other information just confirmed it.

This couldn’t be real.

“What does this have to do with Adrianne?” Jensen shook his head and held his breath momentarily before speaking.

“You need to go. Pack, go home, don’t talk to anyone and don’t come back here ever again.” He started leaving, but he could still hear them asking him questions and he felt like shit for abandoning them in such a trying time. But there was nothing he could do. He couldn’t help anymore. God, and to think this was a ploy to get his attention. Kidnapping a girl, probably raping her at every given opportunity just to get back to him.

If it were a couple of years ago, Jensen would have gone after them without a second thought, willing to give his life in exchange for the girl. But he couldn’t, not now. His main focus was to have control over his own life, even if it sucked ass. Better than to survive like that. No, he’d rather die than go through that again.

Once at his apartment, he started packing, not caring about letting all go. He didn’t have anyone here, no family, no friends, no significant other. Jensen was all alone here, so it only made sense to flee from there as fast as he could. However, when he tried to buy an airplane ticket to New Zealand on Adrianne’s credit card, it was denied. He didn’t have enough money to leave the country – he could barely pay the bills some months, imagine pay for a trip?

Taking his phone, he scrolled down to the one name he knew he could get help from, but before he hit it, he breathed in and out, choosing to call someone else. Mark Sheppard was an attorney to whom Jensen occasionally worked for – either to get dirt for a case or to terrorize someone into signing something of importance. In all honesty, Jensen loathed the guy, but that was mostly because he didn’t trust lawyers, but Mark had never really given him a reason to hate him.

“I need a loan.” He said as soon as Mark picked up the call.

“Oh, why, Jensen, good evening to you too.” His accent was strong and Jensen rolled his eyes. “Why you need one?” He finally asked.

“I can’t really say. Just… I need money.” Jensen struggled to say. How could he explain he wanted money to flee the country? Mark would never believe he’d pay back and, deep down, Jensen knew he wouldn’t be able to pay back so soon.

“So you said. Problem is, Jensen, I can’t just give money around without knowing why. You’ve just gotten paid from your last job, won’t that suffice?” Jensen had to take the phone off his ear to curse at himself for even trying Mark, but a moment later he was on the phone again.

“It’s not enough. But you know what? Forget it. I knew I couldn’t count on you.” He disconnected the call before Mark could reply, even though he knew he was being highly unfair. Mark didn’t really know him, had no reason to trust him or even give him money – besides, he was not a charity case, not to someone that might come back to haunt him later.

Looking at his phone forlornly, he looked at the one name he knew he might get the money from, but he couldn’t do this by the phone. He took his things, determined that even if he didn’t get the money, he’d find a way to escape. Jensen closed the door of his apartment without giving it a second look – he had no strings with the place, even though it had been his place for almost a year. At the elevator, before the door closed, Misha walked in.

“You okay?” He asked, voice hoarse, eyeing Jensen up and down.

“I need money.” He said, watching the door close.

“You can have my tv.” Misha said, still looking at Jensen and that made Jensen look back at him.

Misha had been an annoyance most of the time he lived there, appearing at Jensen’s place randomly, passing out in the corridor, which made Jensen drag his drugged ass back to his apartment, and even got other junkies on the building once, although they hadn’t done anything bad exactly, besides getting high, but it still made Jensen uncomfortable. So now, having him, a guy he barely knew but only thought was a pain in the ass, someone who had probably even less than Jensen, offering a tv like that, without asking why he needed money, not judging, so willing to give… It made Jensen emotional, but he squished the feeling, looking at anywhere but at Misha.

“Thanks, Misha. But you can keep it.” He wouldn’t take something from him. Misha might need it, someday, regardless of how he got a tv in the first place. With a sigh, Misha told him just what he wanted to know:

“It’s stolen.” Jensen opened a small smile; fond, but sad and nodded.

“I imagined.” The doors of the apartment opened then and he left, not even saying goodbye to Misha. He took a cab to the place he needed to go, then left his rucksack near the trash at a dark alley and jumped to the balcony of the apartment he wanted to go, where he had lived before.

His heart was desperately beating in his chest, but it broke a little when he saw through the glass door the only man, the only _person_ , he had ever truly loved sitting on the couch next to another man, sipping wine from expensive glasses and reading something that looked like a script. He couldn’t move, couldn’t turn away, just stare.

He was about to leave. He was. And he was going to leave everything behind, even if that meant never seeing Jared in person again – not that he had seen much of the other man the past months, besides on billboards, movies and tv shows.

Jared, somehow, looked up and locked eyes with Jensen and he could see him gasping. The other man, who Jensen already hated, looked up at Jared, but Jared was soon to dismiss him and point to the door. The other man stood up, gave Jared a kiss on the cheek and left the apartment. Jared turned, then and just stared back for a long minute before finally walking over and opening the door, going to the balcony himself.

God, he still looked gorgeous. He knew that already, but having Jared in front of him again made Jensen want to hug him, ask for comfort, sob until his eyes melted away while he told him everything would be okay. But he couldn’t. He caused far too much pain to Jared already. In fact, leaving might just be the best option after all.

“You could’ve used the door.” Jared said, and his voice was so perfect and Jensen missed it so much it broke his heart even further. He looked at his feet, trying not to get lost in Jared’s hazel eyes.

“I wasn’t sure you’d answer.” Jensen said, voice low. He licked his lips before staring back at Jared and the rawness he saw there, the sadness but also the fondness… Jensen knew Jared still cared about him – hell, Jared cared about the world, he was such a good person, so unlike Jensen. “It’s important.” He continued and Jared pursed his lips, crossing his arms as he did so.

“It must be.” Jensen knew all of Jared’s voice tones, he knew that, right now, Jared was trying to hold himself together, to not cry and scream at Jensen. Uncomfortable for making Jared go through this, Jensen continued talking, explaining himself. He only hoped Jared could understand his decision to leave.

“It’s for a case.” Before he could tell Jared what he had been doing, Jared started nodding.

“You became a, a Private Eye, right?” Jensen frowned, a bit affronted and highly worried about what else Jared might have found out.

“You’ve been keeping tabs on me?” His voice showed how indignant he felt and that was enough to break Jared, who let his arms fall to his side as he started to talk, his tone hushed, but hard, eyes brimming with tears, but Jensen could see the fire in them.

“I haven’t heard from you in eight months, Jensen. I needed to know you weren’t dead. You wouldn’t answer my phone calls, I had no idea where you had been. I was worried sick about you.” He rubbed a hand on his face before looking at Jensen again, his face echoing the brokenness of his voice. Jensen was expecting an outburst so he waited for Jared to keep talking, but Jared just _looked_ at him, almost as if trying to see through him. Averting his eyes again, Jensen finally told Jared what he was doing there.

“I need money.” Jared just stood there dumbstruck for a couple of seconds before snorting, averting his own eyes and walking in the opposite direction of where Jensen stood.

“Wow. Wow, Jensen, I don’t even know what to say.” He was exasperated, Jensen could tell, and he crossed his arms again, clearly trying to brace himself against the onslaught of crap Jensen was unleashing on him.

“It’s important.” Jensen clenched his jaw, trying a look at Jared again who just shook his head in disbelief.

“You’ve said. But I haven’t heard from you for almost a whole fucking year, Jen, and now you show up here asking for money?” If Jensen thought Jared’s heart hadn’t been already completely broken by him, he would have thought this was it.

“It was a bad idea.” Jensen commented, wanting to punch a wall, break his own hand while doing so. He was turning to jump back on the street when Jared’s big, comforting hands held his wrist.

“No, Jensen, _talk to me_. Please. Tell me what’s so important that you came to _me_ for money.” Jensen knew Jared was still upset with him, but fuck… The man was so good, so kind. Of course he still wanted to help him. And by mistake, Jensen stared right into Jared’s eyes, which made him blurt out:

“ _He_ ’s back.” His voice cracked at the end of the sentence and he could feel the moment all the anger lifted off Jared’s shoulders, but then it was all replaced by pity and Jensen had to clench his jaw once more.

“Jen. It’s been a year. You saw him die.” Jensen knew Jared was trying to be comforting and caring, but to Jensen’s ears, it sounded like Jared was trying to talk to a five year old. “You saw his death certificate. This is just your PTSD—“

“It’s not my fucking PTSD!” Jensen tried to interrupt, but Jared continued talking, hands coming to Jensen’s arms and rubbing them up and down tenderly and Jensen had to close his eyes for a moment and not cry.

“Are you still having nightmares? Flashbacks?” Jensen opened his eyes and looked at Jared and whatever Jared saw in them made his expression soften, as if he had just proven Jensen was just having a bad day. “You need to go back to therapy.” He said, finally and Jensen had enough.

“That bitch who had me reciting street names from back home?”

“A proven method for managing PTSD.” Jared said and Jensen knew it worked. Not how he wanted it to work, but it did; it did gave him a feeling of closure and he managed to avoid panic attacks, but it all seemed so damn stupid. He still lived with the memories every single day, he still saw that man at random places, either because of a memory or because of his anxiety. He still suffered every day, and going on and on about street names could only do so much.

“Two hundred bucks for Oblate Drive, Dellwood Drive, Medowood Lane, El Montan Avenue.” He raised his voice and tugged his arms back so Jared wasn’t touching him anymore.

“I told you I’d pay for it!” Jared raised his voice as well, getting on his full height to tower over Jensen in a protective manner only he could master, but Jensen was done. As much as he wanted Jared’s comfort right now, he needed to make Jared see, make him understand.

“Fuck, Jared! He’s back. He sent clients to me.” This seemed to shut Jared up for a moment, who just stared at him. “This couple from Ohio. He took their daughter.” At that, Jared’s expression darkened, but it didn’t take much for Jared to accept that this was real, it was happening.

“Why her? Is she… like you? Is she gifted?” Jensen shook his head, trying to figure out why Adrianne.

“No. I mean, she was in her track team in High School, but…” There was nothing, in Jensen’s eyes, that could explain why her. Was it really at random? Jensen couldn’t believe it was. That man had been obsessed with him since day one and if he had plotted to get Jensen to find him again, it couldn’t be random. He took the picture of the girl from his pocket and showed to Jared, who tried to look at it in the dark.

“She’s got some of your features. Blond, green eyes, freckles.” Then he looked up at Jensen momentarily before looking back at the picture and adding: “Beautiful smile.” Jensen’s jaw clenched yet again. “She’s pretty, can run. Second best thing, maybe?” He said, finally giving Jensen the picture back, who eyed it for a moment, trying to see what Jared had just pointed out and while they were nowhere near similar enough to be mistaken as siblings, they did have some traits that matched. So perhaps he did have a type.

“Remember I told you about the one month anniversary?” Jared’s face paled in the moonlight and he had to purse his lips as he nodded. “He’s doing it again. The sexy underwear, the gift, the restaurant—“

“The hotel?” Jensen realised that one month meant tonight, which meant the hotel. He looked lost at Jared for a moment, who took one of his hands in his and squeezed it. “I’m calling the police.” Jensen could see Jared was moments from crying, but he couldn’t just let him call to the police either.

“Jared, they can’t help. No one can.” Jared looked at him, squeezing Jensen’s hand with all his strength. “You know what he can do. What he made _me_ do.” He averted his eyes once more, ashamed and embarrassed and so full of self hatred. Jared sniffed and with a quiver in his voice he talked again.

“So, what? You’re running?” Jensen looked up at Jared’s face again, trying to understand how that could even be a question. Wasn’t it clear already?

“I sure as fuck am!” Jensen raised his voice again, exasperated. “If he gets a hold of me again…” He stopped talking, unable to continue. He knew that if he tried, he’d cry but he was sick of crying, of having break downs, of panicking. Couldn’t this all be over with? “Jay—“

“If you leave that girl with him—“ Jared interrupted him, but he had to raise his voice once more and interrupt Jared. What the fuck was Jared thinking?

“What do you want me to do? Huh? What exactly should I do?” Once that man spoke, Jensen would be useless, just a puppet for him to play with.

“We’ll figure out a way to help you—“ Jared tried speaking and Jensen let go of his hand as if it suddenly burnt him.

“ _We_? Jared, he’s coming for me. Not you. And, fuck, Jared, you have no idea what’s like.” Jensen had told him everything, since the day he had vanished up to when he managed to come back, hands bleeding to this same apartment, shaken and broken. He had thought Jared had understood, but apparently, he hadn’t.

“I know one thing, Jen. You’re way more equipped to deal with that animal than some innocent girl from Ohio.” Jared got closer, but didn’t touch, he probably knew Jensen would push him away again. He opened his mouth to speak, stopped, before starting again. “You’re still the person who tried to do something.” Jensen snickered at that.

“Tried and failed. That’s what started all this in the first place.” Jensen looked over the balcony to the city below them. Without looking at Jared and feeling a tear finally falling down his face, Jensen spoke in a low voice: “I was never the hero that you wanted me to be.”

They remained in silence for a long moment and all the time Jensen avoided to look at Jared, eyes unblinking and unseeing the city. Jared sighed at last, before speaking again.

“I’ll get your money.”

Jared entered his apartment again, before returning with a huge amount of cash. Before Jensen could jump out of the window without even saying goodbye – he didn’t think he would be able to say goodbye, just like last time – Jared held his arm again, bringing him closer and kissing him on the lips. It was the most bittersweet kiss they ever shared; they knew it was their last, they knew it was goodbye.

So Jensen brought his hands to Jared’s neck, holding him in place as Jared held his face so softly, one would think Jensen would shatter like glass if he was slightly rougher. Their tongues, so used to one another, tried to savour each other one last time. At the end of it, they were both crying and Jensen had to get out of there before he couldn’t leave again.

Once in the street, he looked up one last time and saw Jared there. He got his rucksack before trying for a cab. It didn’t take long for a car to pull up and he got in, not looking back. Now wasn’t the time to think about what he was leaving behind. He needed to remind himself that this was the best option. Jared would be able to live his life, date that actor that had been in a movie with him that seemed to follow Jared around like a puppy. Jared wouldn’t have to worry about him anymore. He would finally be able to let go of all the things from his past that dragged him down.

And Jensen? Jensen could start anew somewhere else. With no one knowing his name, no one knowing his past. He’d be able to get a free start.

So why couldn’t he relax? Why was he sitting so stiffly in the car, gripping his rucksack with both hands as if his life depended on it? Because Jared’s words kept ringing in his ear: a girl from Ohio had less chances against that man than he had. Not that he had any chances, but still. Just the thought of having someone go through the same thing he had was devastating and so inhuman. He asked the driver to make a stop at the hotel and when he got out of the taxi to look at the imposing five star hotel, Jensen felt like vomiting all over again.

The doorman recognized him – or perhaps _he_ had told him to act like that. Jensen left his rucksack behind a vase and walked to the room where he knew he’d find Adrianne and her captor. Upon reaching the floor they were in – it looked the same as any other floor, but Jensen knew it was this one – Jensen stopped beside a fire alarm. He breathed in deeply before breaking the glass with his fist and pressing the button. In instants, people were hastily making their way out of their rooms, no one even looking in his direction.

The door on the room where he was headed remained closed. The lights were blinking and as he walked he felt light on his feet, dizzy. He heard someone calling his name, but when he turned there was no one. His heart was beating so fast it was actually louder in his ears than the alarm resonating around the hotel. Jensen finally reached the door and opened it, breaking the lock in the process.

“Miss me?” He heard, feeling a soft touch on his lower back and, again, he turned, jumping, his skin prickling with fear. Once again, he noticed he was alone. Fuck. Fuck, this was making him lose his goddamn mind.

Jensen finally reached the door to the bedroom, but it was open and a girl he recognized from the pictures was lying on her back in a frilly, black, petite gown. She didn’t raise her head to look at him. Looking around, he didn’t notice anyone else, so he walked to the girl, grabbing her coat that was thrown by an armchair on his way to the bed.

“Is he here?” His voice was barely above a whisper, but he didn’t think he’d be able to speak at all if he tried to speak louder. “Is Morgenstern here?” There, he said his name and he wanted to cry, scream, jump out of the window and run, but there was an innocent, crying woman on the bed and he needed to help her.

“No.” Her voice was so strong – so angry, so sad – that it threw Jensen off for a moment as he reached her.

“When did he leave?” Jensen started dressing the girl on the coat and was unnerved to see that she wasn’t moving at all, eyes fixed on the clock by the bedside table.

“Five hours, twenty one minutes.” She said, voice hoarse. Jensen fumbled with his phone as he spoke again.

“C’mon, we need to get you out of here.” Morgenstern could come back any moment now and they needed to flee. Finally finding the name he was looking for, he made the call and instantly a man picked it up. “Mr Palicki, I found Adrianne.” Jensen started grabbing the girl’s things, her purse, her shoes, but then she saw her still in the bed, the way he had left her.

”Is that my dad?” Her voice finally broke and Jensen knew she would start crying at any moment now. He needed to be quick, bring the girl to her family and make them run away and never look back.

“Pack your things and meet me at my office, you’ll need to go away as soon as you can.” There was babbling on the other side of the line until they agreed to go. Jensen put the phone back in his pocket before grimacing and looking back at the girl on the bed, who was now finally looking at him. “I’m really sorry about this.” And she frowned at that.

He picked her up and at that moment she started flailing, screaming and kicking, trying to go back to the bed, clearly still under Morgenstern’s orders. He hit her head strong enough to knock her out on the wall by the door as they walked by it and left the hotel with her in her arms, their bags on one hand, the girl thrown over his shoulder in the other.

Back at his apartment, Adrianne woke up and was on edge, but at least she wasn’t trying to run back to the hotel. “His control, whatever it is, wears off. But it takes time and distance, so we’re both getting out of here.” Jensen had already packed, but he was making sure to burn all evidence of Adrianne’s case. She was rocking herself on the couch, as if trying to console herself from her pain. Her face was wet from tears and she hadn’t stopped crying either, but Jensen understood the feeling and just let her be.

“He… made me do things that...” She started and Jensen swallowed dry. “I didn’t wanna do but… I wanted to.” She sounded so lost and Jensen wondered if her life would be over after this. There was no life, no happy ending for him, that was for sure. But she surely could try. She had parents, a brother and friends that he knew that would take her back once they knew what had happened. Jensen wanted to believe there was hope for her.

“What street did you live in?” Jensen asked, kneeling beside her, but not touching her, giving her space, but wanting to show that he was there. She frowned, utterly confused. “Picture the sign. What’s the name of the street?”

“Elm.” She said, a bit unsure. “Elm Street.”

“And the next block over?” She had to closer her eyes for a moment and concentrate.

“Zellin Street.” She said, firmer this turn and she smiled when she realized it was helping calm her down, even if a little. Jensen smiled sympathetically at her as well before speaking again.

“You need to understand that none of this is your fault.” At that, her smile vanished and she looked at her own hands, more tears falling from her eyes.

“You don’t know.” Jensen wanted to laugh and cry at the same time at that statement. She seemed so sure.

“I know.” His voice was firm and he didn’t stop looking at her, so when she turned and looked at him with surprise and confusion, he continued. “I know. Okay?” She gaped at him for a moment before averting her eyes once more. Jensen, on the other hand, leant forward, trying to at least be within her sight. “I want you to say it. ‘None of it is my fault’. Say it back to me.” She looked at him and pursed her lips before opening her mouth and then instantly closing it. She was having an internal battle with herself, he knew it – he had been through that as well.

“It’s not… Not my fault.” Adrianne sniffled and looked back at him and Jensen smiled encouragingly.

“Good. That was good.” They shared a moment of silence, so many unspoken things being said in that moment that they didn’t even notice the door opening.

“Adrianne?” Her parents said, urgently and when they saw her, they started to cry and went to her.

“It’s not my fault.” Adrianne managed to say between sobs as she was being hugged by her parents.

“We know, sweetheart.” Nancy said, giving her a kiss on the forehead and squeezing her tighter. Not wanting to interfere in such a touching moment, but needing to send them on their way, Jensen spoke.

“She’s going to be okay. You just need to take her far away from the man who took her.” The father froze and turned to look at him.

“ _Took_ her?” Jensen licked his lips, trying to choose his next words.

“He… escaped. Your only concern right now is getting Adrianne back to Ohio and keep her safe.” The father was about to say something, but Nancy put a hand on his arm, grabbing his attention.

“We’re taking our baby home.” He looked at his daughter before nodding. “Thank you, Mr Ackles.” Jensen just shook his head, uncomfortable with the thanking – not only had that been a job, but their daughter had gone through something really traumatic, there was nothing to thank here.

However, Jensen was taken completely by surprise when Adrianne hesitated instead of following her parents and came to him and hugged him. It took him a moment to hug her back, trying to give the comfort she probably needed. “You saved my life.” Jensen did smile then, glad that there was hope for her after all. She was going to have a life; she was going to survive.

“Go.” He said once she let go of him and she nodded and went to her parents who were waiting by the door. “I’m right behind you.” Jensen needed a moment to himself, but more than that, he knew they needed a moment of their own. He put down the fire on his trash can and grabbed his rucksack once more. He looked around one last time, realizing that after so many months working the job, it was the first time the outcome had been good.

When he left the apartment, closing it behind him, he saw as if in slow motion the elevator’s door closing and Adrianne taking a gun out of her purse. Jensen froze for a second before he started running, but the elevator was already going down. He ran his way down the stairs as he heard four shots being fired and he wanted to scream, but he found out he was voiceless.

Reaching the main level, he opened the elevator’s door and Jeffrey’s body fell out of it, eyes opened in shock, blood everywhere. Looking up, Jensen saw Adrianne still pulling the trigger over and over, not really looking at anywhere, until she turned her face to look at her. She smiled – such a creepy smile that made Jensen’s blood run cold – and spoke.

“Smile.” She said, as if it was the only obvious thing to do and Jensen was shaking all over, not knowing what to do. He saw the moment Adrianne got her conscious back, when Morgenstern’s command lift off. She looked at the ground, looking at her parents dead at her feet and she let go of the gun with a scream, tears falling again down her pretty face.

Jensen walked back, still feeling like he was going to throw up. He was so certain Adrianne’s life would be better now, but of course Morgenstern had a plan up his sleeve, the evil bastard. But that only meant that he wasn’t over with Jensen.

When he reached the street, he noticed that yes, he could run away. He could keep denying it, pretend none of that had ever happened. Go back to his plan of starting anew.

Or he could do something about it.

If he didn’t, other girls – and boys too – might fall victim of Morgenstern, and while Jensen had no idea how to stop him, he would not give up without a fight.


	2. aka Fight Club

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took so long to update, but life happened and I wanted to reread the second chapter before posting. But here it is now!
> 
> Thanks to those who gave a kudo and left messages! They mean the world! :)

Jensen spent the night at the Police Station, clearly fidgety, which made the officer who talked to him suspicious of him, but he gave reasonable answers as to why he was so agitated – because who wouldn’t be if they experienced a girl who should be in her right mind kill her parents in their apartment building? Jensen was also pissed because the cops searched his apartment with the excuse that it was the crime scene – “the door was broken”, they had said, and that was the lamest excuse he had ever heard – and they had found some of Danneel’s photos and even though he promised it was for a completely different case, they didn’t give him the pictures back. So to say he was a pile of nerves was an understatement.

He didn’t see Adrianne after they were taken to the Police Station, but he found out where she was taken and he would make her a visit later that day, to know what she knew about Morgenstern. She had been the last to see him alive, after all.

But first, Jensen needed to get to Danneel and warn her that some cops might come by and… well, explain as much as he could without seeming a jerk – although he had already accepted he was the biggest idiot in the universe. He took a cab, but once he reached the bar, he saw a police car parked there and as he watched through the window, he could see Danneel’s closed off expression as she looked at the pictures they were showing her and she shook her head as they spoke. When the cops made to the door, he turned and walked away for a moment until he saw them getting into the car and leaving. Jensen didn’t hesitate before entering the bar.

“We’re closed.” Danneel’s angry voice was even more high pitched than normal and she wasn’t even looking at him. It was still the wee hours of the night, the sun had just started to make an appearance, so it made sense that she was still at the bar, probably closing it for the day. Jensen took in a long breath before he spoke.

“I told them you had nothing to do with that girl.” Jensen didn’t even know how they could possibly think someone as Danneel could have anything to do with Adrianne. Adrianne wasn’t in any of the pictures and while there were some pictures of Danneel with a few girls, there was none that could indicate they knew each other. Danneel finally looked at Jensen then, and it was clear how upset she was.

“I don’t need the police up in my shit.” The old man who worked with her was there, hovering about, probably trying to be protective, so Jensen remained by the door, showing that he didn’t intend on starting a fight. Danneel, on the other hand, was seething. Jensen wondered for a moment if she was a fugitive or something of the like, which was why she was so angry, but Jensen couldn’t ask and it would be better if he stopped digging around in her life – he had caused her much hurt, even if she was unaware of most of them.

“Just… Let me explain. Please?” He asked, hands by his side, letting her see that she had the control there. He would leave if she insisted, but he didn’t want her to think so poorly of him. Which was egotistical and hypocritical, but he couldn’t help himself. Thankfully, she crossed her arms and it would have been endearing, mainly considering their height difference, if his heart wasn’t hammering on his chest, anxious of what might come.

“How about you start explaining why you took those pictures?” Thankfully Jensen hadn’t taken any of her naked or during her sexy times with any of the ladies – and one or two men – she had slept with, using his camera just to observe. Which he should have done for anything, really, and now they wouldn’t have been here, but Danneel was beautiful and feisty and Jensen was attracted to that – he hated to admit it, mainly after what he had done, but it was the truth.

“I’m a Private Investigator.” He stopped, then, frowning, looking at anywhere but at her, even though he could feel her eyes on him. Was that self explanatory? He tried to come up with more reasons as to why he had taken the pictures when she spoke.

“That’s the answer to a different question.” And at that, Jensen looked back at her.

“I was hired.” The moment he said it, he knew he would regret it, but somehow he got himself so deep in this shit that he couldn’t just get out, he kept on drowning on it, even though he knew better. She looked affronted and offended – and, dare he think it, afraid? – but he just licked his lips and hesitated only momentarily before continuing. “By a man who thinks his wife is cheating on him with you.” Danneel relaxed somewhat at the explanation before shaking his head and chuckling.

“I don’t sleep with married people. I don’t want nor need the drama.” She said matter-of-factly, raising her chin slightly as if in challenge, but Jensen could see she was doubting herself, wondering if Jensen was speaking the truth. And Jensen was, although only partially, since the husband probably didn’t suspect a thing.

“Katie.” He said simply. Katie Cassidy was a few years older than Danneel and had been married for almost eight years now. So technically, what he was saying wasn’t a complete lie. Apart from the whole being hired thing, since he was sure Katie’s husband had no idea she was cheating on him. Katie and Danneel had fooled around at least once a month for the last six months – from what Jensen had gathered at least – so she probably was one of Danneel’s favourites.

“You’re lying.” The anger was back and Jensen knew he couldn’t backtrack now, but he did hope he hadn’t sank so deep. Still, he can’t stop talking. Jensen wondered momentarily if he was jealous of them, if he wished he had been the one to have something more with Danneel, but knew he couldn’t because of his past.

“You can look up their marriage certificate online if you’d like. She takes off her ring before she meets with you.” That was how he had learnt about Katie’s marriage in the first place. He shouldn’t have done research on her or any of Danneel’s other conquests, he shouldn’t have stalked Danneel after what he did. It was only bringing them both pain and suffering and nothing good would come out of it.

Danneel’s arms fell to her side and she seemed a bit confused until she frowned and asked: “The other night. Was it only part of your job?” It pained Jensen to hear something like it and he knew he deserved it, but it reminded him yet again of how much of a son of a bitch he was.

“I…” He had to stop to clear his throat and Danneel’s eyes furrowed even more. “I shouldn’t have done that.” He admitted, but forced himself to keep looking at her. It was the only thing he could do.

“Because it’s messed up? Or because you got caught?” Jensen wanted to laugh at the questions because it was all that and so much more. It was messed up for more reasons than Danneel could possibly know and he hadn’t gotten caught, not exactly, not in what would have ruined them even worse. Jensen decided to reply with a single word.

“Both.” He was ashamed and he hoped he could convey it in his face, but Danneel was still upset, although her anger seemed to drain out of her, leaving her only looking exhausted. She brought a hand to her face and rubbed it for a moment before looking at Jensen again and pointing at the door.

“Just… leave. Don’t come back.  Stay away from me and my bar.” She said sternly and Jensen could only nod and go away.

He had fucked up big time, but he hoped that now that Danneel told him to stay away, that he would respect her wishes and that would be good for the both of them. Now that Morgenstern was back, the wisest choice was to cut all ties with people. That meant Danneel – even though they had only slept together once and he had been stalking her for some months now – and Jared. Morgenstern knew about Jared and their past, but he was also unimpressed by him. He wouldn’t do anything with Jared if Jensen kept his distance, he was almost sure of it – Jared was a movie star and Morgenstern wouldn’t want all the attention it came with messing with someone like Jared.

With his head in the clouds, Jensen walked home. The door was still broken, but the police had the decency to close it instead of leaving it wide open. Not that he had anything that could be stolen, but now he just wanted a shower, and the privacy of an empty apartment was all he wanted in that moment.

It was still early, so there was no need to rush to visit Adrianne in prison, which was why he took his time scrubbing at his skin, making it red and tender from how much he tried cleaning himself, although the feeling of being dirty didn’t leave him. He knew it was because he felt sick about himself, not because he was in need of a shower, but it still helped. The tingling pain was nothing to him, he could take so much more, but it still helped to ground him.

Feeling a little more determined, he dressed once again and went to jail. Hopefully Adrianne would have some answers. Anything that would lead Jensen to more clues and find out more about what had happened to Morgenstern. He had cheated death and Jensen needed to know how, how long he had been on the loose and why he was back now, after a year. Adrianne, once he entered the room to talk to her, had her unblinking eyes unfocused on the wall, hands handcuffed to the table.

She had confessed to killing her parents – not that she could get away with something like this – but apparently after her break down where she mentioned mind control and killing her parents after being abducted for a whole month, she stopped talking. Jensen believed they were giving her meds, something to keep her calm or even non-threatening, which was a good thing because of all the stress she must be under. He knew what it was like and feeling doped was better than feeling everything.

“Adrianne, start at the beginning.” Jensen asked, but she was looking at the wall. It was unnerving to see her like this, but he knew how she must be feeling. “You were the last to see Morgenstern alive. Did he tell you anything? Where he’s been, why he’s back?” Jensen waited for a moment as he saw her blink, but she kept looking at the wall. Jensen wondered if she even realized it was him there, if she was aware that he needed her help. “Was there anything about the way he looked?” Still nothing and Jensen was starting to get anxious himself. “Where did he take you? Was anyone else there?” Long silent seconds passed by and Jensen was getting fidgety. He groaned loudly, looking at Adrianne with desperation in his eyes. “God damn it!” 

That seemed to grab Adrianne’s attention, who slowly turned her eyes to face him. Jensen sighed and waited, hoping against hope that she would finally answer any of his question. He was not expecting her words, though. “Are you a good jumper?” That was one to say it, yes. And the implications behind that question made Jensen’s blood run cold.

“Why?” There was no need to actually answer, he knew Adrianne knew the answer already. And, in all honesty, he had no idea why he had asked that. Of course, he knew the answer, of course it was inhumane. But it didn’t stop from breaking his heart as she answered, voice still hoarse from all the crying and yelling from the events of last night.

“He made me jump. For hours, as high as I could.” She blinked again, and while she didn’t have tears in her eyes, the way her voice wavered was clear to Jensen that she hated bringing this up. “That was one of my events at school, long jump.” Yes, Jensen remembered researching about her past and finding out about track, he just hadn’t dug deeper, to know what was her specialty. I was number two in the state.” Jensen was speechless for a moment and she looked at the wall for a second before looking at Jensen again, eyes finally filling with tears. “He said I was never as good as you.”

Jensen felt like throwing up. It was so unfair to expect someone to ‘jump’ as high as he did. Jared used to say he could fly, and apart from the landing – that he failed miserably every time – it was pretty much like flying, not as much as jumping. But of course, Morgenstern would compare the two, would make this girl go through this. And bring Jensen up? He knew the man was sadistic, but if he was after Jensen, why would he make a girl from Ohio go through all that? Even though they had similarities, that wasn’t enough, was it? Or perhaps he knew that if he put an innocent person in danger, Jensen would willingly go back to him – maybe it was all about pride.

“My brother doesn’t want to talk to me. He truly thinks I killed our parents.” At that, the tears finally started spilling, but she was forcing herself to not have another break down. So when she stopped talking and turned to look at the wall again, Jensen spoke softly, leaning forward to show the girl that he cared.

“It’s not your fault.” He said yet again, although he knew fully well she would probably blame herself for this for the rest of her life. He was the one saying it, and he didn’t truly believe it when it came to himself and what Morgenstern had made him do. However, whatever it was Jensen was expecting, was not Adrianne’s cold eyes at him and harsh tone when she spoke again.

“No. It’s _yours_.” Jensen’s heart stopped for a moment before pounding painfully against his chest. It was his fault, wasn’t it? All of this. “He said you left him to die. You should’ve stayed to make sure he was dead.” He hadn’t been strong, he knew that. Jensen had been so scared, so afraid, that he left and went to the only place he knew he could find comfort: his legs took him to Jared’s place, even though his hands were covered in blood and he was covered in dirt. Jensen licked his lips before trying to speak again.

“He’s mad, then.” Adrianne gave a small nod and looked away, although he noticed her eyes were more focused now. “He wants to make me suffer.” She hummed and nodded again, fear creeping in her features.

“Like he suffered.” She added, still not looking at Jensen. A frown formed in his forehead and he tried to catch Adrianne’s eyes, but to no avail.

“How? How did he suffer?” She started shaking her head and he could see she was at the verge of a breakdown. “From the accident? Is he injured?” Her face was contorting as she silently cried, still shaking her head and still avoiding his eyes. “Adrianne, I need to know so I can get him.” He raised his voice in urgency. He, more than anyone else, knew exactly what she was going through, but she needed to help him, or this would happen again with someone else and neither of them could let that happen.

“No!” She yelled and Jensen gaped at the intensity of it. “He’ll control you too!” She started pulling her arms closer to herself, but the handcuffs made it impossible, only resulting on the metal clanking against the table. He saw, from the corner of his eye a cop standing up, ready to intervene, but he wasn’t done yet, he needed more answers.

“Shh, stop it, Adrianne, stop it.” But she didn’t listen, she kept on sobbing, trying to take her hands to herself in the process.

“He’ll make you do things! Terrible things!” As if he didn’t know. As if he hadn’t had to do terrible things because of that man. And it was because of that that he needed Adrianne’s help.

“Calm down. Adrianne.” Calling her name seemed to work for a moment and she pursed her lips, trying to hold back the tears, hands falling to the table again. With determination in his eyes and voice, Jensen promised her: “I won’t let him. Okay? I won’t let him.” She started rocking herself slowly in yet another attempt to calm herself down. She closed her eyes for a moment, breathing deeply, holding it in before finally looking at Jensen again and speaking, voice more steady now.

“You should kill yourself.” Jensen was not expecting that and it wasn’t like the thought hadn’t crossed his mind before. Thankfully, Jared had been there to show him that it was still worth living after Morgenstern’s death; but he didn’t die. Was it still worth living?

He knew the answer to that, but it still pained him to hear those words and to be the better person. “Probably.” He said, slowly, licking his lips, staring at Adrianne. He understood what she meant – she wasn’t being spiteful or venomous; it was what she was feeling, what she wished she could do. It was tough to believe that Jensen – or anyone, for that matter – could manage to get Morgenstern. “But I’m the only one who knows you’re innocent.”

And _that_ was the reason he had to keep fighting, to survive. He couldn’t be selfish now, not when Adrianne needed him or while Morgenstern was free to do whatever he wanted with whoever he wanted. She seemed to understand what he meant and fresh tears came to her eyes as the cop opened the door, signalling his time was over. He stood up and, without a word, left.

As Jensen exited the building, he had the epiphany to ask Mark Sheppard for help. He had worked for the man when no other detective or PI managed to find out dirt on people or even make them show up to whatever it was they were being ordered to go. And yes, the previous day Mark hadn’t helped him when he asked for money, but he could see now it had been a terrible idea in the first place. Money, mainly as much as he was going to ask for, was not something freely given. But a job? Jensen was certain Mark wouldn’t deny it.

So, it came as a surprise when he told Adrianne’s case to Mark and he was as unimpressed as he usually was. “She’s guilty. She had a gun in her purse, which means it was premeditated. She aimed it at her parents and pulled the trigger _repeatedly_.” Jensen knew Mark was being condescending. His tone of voice, as if he was talking to a fucking child made Jensen’s blood boil, and the only thing he could do was pace in Mark’s office while the man watched him with a superior look.

“She wasn’t in control.” He knew how hard it was for people to believe in mind control, but Mark knew what he could do, how strong he was and how high he could jump. He wasn’t normal, so he couldn’t understand how his gift was normal while mind control wasn’t. Both of them should be impossible, but since they knew it wasn’t because of him and what he could do, it should be clear that _anything_ could be possible.

“Look, if you kill someone while driving drunk, you’re responsible. How can this be any different?” Jensen sighed and rolled his eyes. Mark was making it more difficult than it should be.

“She was abducted.” Hadn’t he heard the first time he said it? Mark only raised his eyebrows at him before pointing out:

“Patty Hearst was abducted and she still got convicted.” Low blow, Jensen thought. He understood how they could be similar – they had to either do what they had been told or die, so they did anything they could to survive – but it was also unfair. Adrianne hadn’t been given the choice in this case. She might have chosen death while in Patty Hearst's case, she chose to survive. Not that they’d know, not after what happened.

“Adrianne Palicki isn’t responsible.” He said through gritted teeth, but Mark still looked unimpressed.

“Because she was brainwashed.” Mark said in a monotone, clearly not believing a thing Jensen had just said. Jensen had to clench his hands in fists so he wouldn’t smash something and lose control. If he lost control, Mark would never do this and Adrianne might spend a life in prison.

“Brainwashed, mind controlled, whatever you wanna call it.” His voice was raised and he knew that Mark was probably wondering why he was so passionate about it, so determined to get him to work this case. Jensen wasn’t about to tell him about his time with Morgenstern; Mark didn’t need to know about _that_.

“There’s nothing to call it, because there’s _nothing_ there.” Mark explained, looking away from Jensen and starting to look at the papers in his desk. Jensen put a hand on top of the papers, making Mark look at him with an annoyed expression in his face.

“Take Adrianne’s case.” Mark sighed dramatically while rolling his eyes. He pursed his lips together before speaking to Jensen as if he was incapable of understanding the English language.

“Jensen. What you have to understand is that I don’t take cases that are doomed to fail. Whoever represents her is going to lose, and I only work to win.” Jensen’s face darkened with anger and he had to grit his teeth together as he took his hand off of Mark’s desk. He couldn’t believe this man’s audacity. “I’ll let you know if any work comes for you. Until then, relax. It’s not your responsibility anymore. You did your job, you found her. There’s nothing else you can do for this girl, so leave it to the law to deal with her.” Jensen, then, said the unthinkable.

“I can prove that Morgenstern exists.” Mark snickered, looking back at his papers, completely disregarding Jensen.

“If there was really a man who could influence people like that, I would hire him to do all my jury selection.” His tone was amused, as if he would actually do such thing, as if Morgenstern would actually let him do such thing. Jensen couldn’t have it anymore and he did punch the mahogany table between them, making a fist sized hole in it.

“This is not a joke!” Mark jumped at his outburst and put some distance between themselves, but he was finally looking at Jensen as if he was being serious. Mark watched him for a moment, probably seeing all the anger – and maybe even fear – that was on his face. It took a moment before either of them spoke and, of course, it was Mark with his witty comments.

“How will you prove that this man exists?” For a moment, Jensen dreaded that Mark might have a hunch as exactly how he could prove Morgenstern existed, but he wouldn’t let Mark have the upper hand.

“I’m resourceful.” Jensen started, way calmer than before, trying to prove to the both of them that he’d be able to do this. “But if I can convince you, will you represent her?” Mark kept on looking at him, as if he could read him somehow before giving a small nod.

“Alright. Convince me.” Jensen relaxed at those words. Even though he’d have to find something – _anything_ – about Morgenstern to prove it to Mark, it was better than nothing. If Jensen let a random lawyer represent Adrianne, she’d be lucky if she didn’t get a life imprisonment. Mark was good, really good, and he was the only one who knew about Jensen’s abilities. Besides, deep down, Jensen knew Mark wasn’t all bad, he just had his priorities in the wrong place.

Much more hopeful, Jensen left, determined to go to his apartment and do some research, even though he had no idea where to begin. He walked home, needing the time and space to think. Besides, it wasn’t like he had money to spend with cabs. And yes, perhaps he should worry more about Morgenstern appearing out of nowhere and abducting him again, but there was really nothing he could do to stop the man if he decided to appear in Jensen’s life again, regardless of Jensen’s choice of transportation.

As he approached his building, he heard an all too familiar voice and he turned, eyebrows raised in surprise. And there was Jared, in all his beautiful glory.

“I texted you, six times.” It was clear he was worried about Jensen and angry too, if his tone was anything to go by. Jensen looked around for a moment before looking back at Jared, who was now a couple of steps away from him.

“My phone’s dead.” He said with half a shrug, as if there was nothing he could have done – which was true, since he hadn’t actually stayed home for longer than twenty minutes after the whole Adrianne incident. However, he knew he was being a dick – not really something new – and Jared didn’t deserve him.

“You were headed out of town.” Jared said with a frown, crossing his arms. His voice was clear of any judgment, though, which made Jensen wonder if he was glad he had decided to stay. “I saw on the news. About the girl. I knew I’d find you here.” He finally moved a hand towards Jensen’s building. Then he licked his lips and got closer, their bodies only inches apart, but Jensen knew it wasn’t deliberate – this was the Jared he knew, the one that got comfortable enough to invade his personal space all the time. “I’m scared for you.”

God, how could Jensen deserve someone like Jared? He could tell Jared still loved him – and fuck, he loved Jared just as much – and that broke Jensen’s heart. Jared deserved someone better, someone who wouldn’t ruin his life all the time like Jensen had done. Someone like Stephen Amell, who he was almost sure was Jared’s new boyfriend – which should mean he had moved on, but apparently, he hadn’t.

“Don’t…” Jensen hesitated for a moment, trying to think of what to say. “Don’t have feelings, okay?” He said, giving a step back, avoiding Jared’s eyes. But Jared wouldn’t relent so easily.

“Not okay.” His tone was so soft, but Jensen knew he was also a bit mad at him for yesterday’s conversation. But then again, Jared had kissed him before he left. Jared had held him and kissed him, even with every reason why he shouldn’t have done that. Jared was probably letting all that behind them so he could focus on Jensen now, while he was still alive and out of Morgenstern’s claws. “You need help.” Jared gave another step towards Jensen, hand going to his stubbled chin, caressing it lightly. And God, Jensen wanted it all, but he knew it was unfair to have it.

“No.” He said, voice hoarse and he had to give a couple of steps back, making Jared’s hand fall to his side once again. “No way.” Jared wanted to help, even though he knew there was nothing he could do regarding Morgenstern. Giving a shuddered breath, Jensen turned his back on Jared and started to walk towards his building. However, Jared started following him.

“You’re not even giving me five minutes of your time? I gave you what you wanted yesterday, Jen, the least you could do was talk to me.” Jensen stopped in his tracks as Jared caught up to him. He looked Jared with pain in his eyes but then he nodded and waved a hand to the door of his apartment building. Jared gave a relieved sigh and followed Jensen inside.

The apartment was very simple, the paint on the walls peeling in some places, some lightbulbs were broken and the elevator was small – and if Jensen looked, he’d noticed a few drops of blood dried inside, but he forced to keep his eyes on the door. The hall to his apartment was clean, the only odd thing was really his own door that was broken and with a forceful nudge, he got it open. Jared opened his mouth a couple of times before speaking.

“What happened to your door?” Jensen noticed Jared was curious, but also worried. He was probably wondering what had happened for the door to break, and while he knew about Jensen’s strength, it didn’t stop Jared from worrying – even before Morgenstern Jared would worry, but since after, it would be too much to ask him to stop.

“Dissatisfied client.” He said with a shrug, closing the door. He didn’t need to tell Jared about the client who got mad about what Jensen had found out and had tried to punch Jensen saying that Jensen was a sadistic fuck who liked to see people suffer. Jensen, obviously, threw him out of the door through the little window there where it had ‘Ackles Inventigations’ written, and the force was enough to break the lock as well. At least the client had paid him before leaving in a hurry, scared shitless of Jensen’s strength.

They walked inside the apartment and Jared looked around as Jensen took off his jacket and gloves. It was almost winter and the weather had not been very appealing lately. “Your place is… nice.” Jensen deadpanned for a moment and looked at Jared before laughing humourlessly.

“You think it’s a dump.” Jared faltered for a moment and deflated, taking his own jacket. Jensen knew Jared’s tone, and he knew what Jared liked. He had been used to living in big houses, fully decorated and with a lot of personality, even before they moved in together to LA. And Jensen’s house was small, dark and it lacked in decorations and personality. Apart from things he really needed – like a desk, computer, bed, fridge and other things that were necessary in his home-slash-office – Jensen had nothing. No pictures, no books, no movies; hell, he didn’t even had a tv set.

Jared didn’t try to correct him because he knew it would be useless. They knew each other far too well, and Jensen catching a lie wasn’t any news. Although he did seem a bit sad, but Jensen couldn’t get why exactly. Jensen, then, went to his desk and took the money Jared had given him the previous day and, stopping a few steps away from Jared, Jensen gave him the money. Jared looked at it and clenched his jaw before taking the money from him.

“You’re not trying to be insulting, but you’re succeeding.” Jared said through gritted teeth, although he kept his eyes on the money, as if it had personally offended him. Jensen sat on the desk and gave yet another shrug.

“I borrowed it, so I’m giving you back since I don’t need it anymore.” Because even though Jensen knew Jared wanted to take him back to his apartment and pay for everything while Jensen just lived a happy life without needing to struggle to pay rent or food, Jensen couldn’t let Jared do any of that. Not only did Jared not deserve this, but Jensen also had his pride.

Jared nodded, but clenched his jaw once more, putting the money in his jacket’s pocket before looking back at Jensen and crossing his arms. They were silent for a moment, but Jensen wouldn’t speak first. Jared was the one who wanted to talk, so he would have to talk first. “So what now?” Jared asked, pursing his lips together. “With Morgenstern?” Jensen looked away for a moment to muster every ounce of strength he could before replying.

“The accident didn’t kill him, but he took a hit.” He looked at Jared, who was intently looking back. “I find his weakness, I find him.” It wasn’t that easy. He had to go back from scratch in his search for answers and he knew it would take some time, time he might not really have, not with Morgenstern after him. If he was too slow, it could be the end of him.

“You find him, and then what?” Jared asked slowly, eyes narrowing. His eyes darkened and Jensen knew exactly what Jared was thinking; Jared wanted Jensen to kill Morgenstern, but he was too nice to voice it. And while Jensen was terrified of the older man, he couldn’t just kill him.

“I prove Adrianne’s innocent.” He said with determination and Jared sighed in disbelief. Jensen knew it was more wishful thinking than anything else, considering what Morgenstern could do and the fact that Jensen had no idea how to stop his powers or even make him collaborate were appalling.

“Jensen. If you get near him, he’ll control you again before you can prove the girl’s innocent. And what good will come out of it?” Jared came near again and Jensen hated his heart for beating faster at their closeness. Jensen licked his lips before speaking, not even breaking eye contact.

“I’ll die before I let him control me again.” Jared’s hands went to his face again, cupping it tenderly, as if Jensen was made of glass and he wanted to laugh at the irony. He did nothing, though, just kept looking at Jared’s multi coloured eyes, and they said so much about how Jared was feeling at that moment.

“That’s what I’m afraid of.” He said in a whisper, stroking his thumbs on Jensen’s cheeks. Jensen’s trembling hands went to Jared’s forearms and he held him there, not really sure if he wanted to push Jared away or pull him even closer. “Why don’t you move in with me again? I have a security system, a doorman.” Jared nodded towards Jensen’s door before adding: “I have an actual lock on my door.” Jensen did push Jared away now, although slowly, breaking their contact very painfully and he could see the sadness in Jared’s eyes as he did it.

“You think I’ll be safe there?” Jensen said in a whisper as well, running a hand through his face before looking at Jared again. “I’m not safe anywhere.” Jensen wondered how Jared could be acting so naïve, even after everything they both went through in their lives. Jared should know better. “Every corner I turn, I don’t know what’s on the other side. I don’t know _who_ ’s on the other side.” Jared actually winced at that, lowering his gaze for a moment before forcing himself to look Jensen in the eyes again. “It could be my junkie neighbour who just got his next fix, but is completely harmless. It could be the postman with more bills for me to pay. It could be a movie star who was the love of my life.”

“Was?” Jensen had to stop talking then and close his mouth, afraid to spill all of his heart to Jared. It was a low blow to say it, but it would be better for the both of them if they moved on. Well, Jensen had other things to try and move on first, which helped him to forget a little about Jared. But Jared _had_ to move on. However, Jensen had to swallow the thick lump on his throat before speaking again, trying to avoid Jared’s expressive eyes and that puppy dog expression of his that always got to Jensen.

“I’m life-threatening, Jared.” He tried to put as much determination behind the words, but he knew his voice was shaking a little. Jensen could see that Jared could see it took. “Steer clear of me.” Maybe now Jared would understand, maybe he would just live his life without Jensen bringing shit all over it. However, Jared would have none of that.

“You know I can’t do that.” Jared was whispering again and Jensen knew it was because he was afraid his voice would fail him otherwise. Jensen shook his head, unable to believe how stubborn Jared was being.

“Please, Jared.” He begged, voice finally breaking. He had to close his eyes tightly for a moment before he ended up having a breakdown in front of Jared – nothing new to them, but it was enough. “I can’t risk you.”

With that, they remained in silence for a moment, and Jared’s eyes slowly widened as he realized Jensen still loved him, regardless of what he tried to say. Nevertheless, it seemed like those words were enough for Jared, who ended up nodding and taking his jacket, putting in back. He walked to the door, but halfway there he looked back to see if Jensen would say anything else. Jared couldn’t believe they were done, that this was another goodbye. Jensen, for some reason he couldn’t really comprehend, spoke when Jared reached and opened the door.

“I had it made special, you know?” Jared stopped and looked at Jensen, clearly puzzled. “The door. It had ‘Ackles Investigations’ on it.” Jared looked at the door for a moment before a small, but relieved smile appeared on his face. He looked back at Jensen and Jensen was reminded yet again that his heart would always belong to that man.

“I like it.” Jared’s smile grew a little more and Jensen couldn’t help but smile back. Then Jared finally left, closing the door behind him. It was clear that it wasn’t a goodbye, and Jensen chastised himself for actually feeling happy and relieved that they would continue to talk to each other after months of Jensen going MIA on Jared. He should be putting some distance between them, not trying to rekindle their love.

Finally alone, Jensen forced himself to sleep for a while, having been awake for over twenty four hours now, but after only a couple of hours he was awakened again. Not by dreams, but by the looming anxiety growing within him. He went through his apartment, looking for the files he had separated on Morgenstern’s death, and then he sat on his desk, looking at each piece of paper he had. Among them, there were newspapers’ cut-outs, photos – of the accident, of Danneel by a grave – he had printed, a death certificate. He looked each one of them carefully, trying to see if he could point out something was amiss, but for a long time, nothing came to him.

With a heavy sigh, Jensen decided that the best solution might be to get back to where the accident took place and start from there. However, the thought alone was enough to make him overwhelmed. Memories of that day invaded him and he couldn’t stop himself from hyperventilating as his eyes unfocused and he was there again.

Hands covered in blood, body shaking from what he had done. Morgenstern’s deep voice laced with anger as he screamed his name. “Jensen! Come back here, Jensen!” But Jensen just turned around to look at him, tears in his eyes and he continued walking backwards, away from that monstrous man. A loud honk made both of them look as a bus came in Morgenstern’s direction and while he tried to go back to the sidewalk, it was too late and the bus hit him, making him fly over a few cars, the bus falling to its side—

Jensen gasped, trying to catch his breath as if he had been drowning just moments ago. He started his mantra again, the names of the streets rolling off of his tongue with ease, and after he managed to control his breathing, he decided to use the computer to ‘go’ there. Jensen researched which hospital people might be taken to if there was an accident there and soon he had a plan.

He went there and he had to steal someone’s badge from a nurse’s locker, putting in the other man’s scrubs. Lying and playing a part always came naturally to him when he was working – maybe because of years living with Jared, or maybe because he had dreams of becoming an actor himself before he got his powers – and a feisty, but caring old woman helped him get into the hospital’s system to check on any entries on that awful day. He noticed that apart from Genevieve Cortese – DOA, but he already knew that – and the bus driver, no one else had been accepted into the hospital that day. He noticed, however, that there were two ambulances working that night, and only one, with Genevieve, came back.

Printing the whole accident’s details, Jensen put the scrubs and badge back before leaving the hospital. He needed to find this driver, which meant he needed to do some more researches. Going home, while appalling, was the only solution for now. With the knowledge that he wouldn’t be safe anywhere, he felt like being outside and actually doing something other than research was better than just stay at his place in front of a computer and maybe even make a few phone calls.

When he arrived at his floor, Jensen stopped in his tracks. The door to his apartment was ajar and he could see movement inside. He walked slowly towards it, trying to not make a noise, wanting to have the upper hand if needed. It didn’t occur to him that it could be his neighbour again at his place, probably eating something, or even a client who, when seeing the door broken, made themselves comfortable. No, with Morgenstern on the loose, the only thing in his mind was that it could be him and he couldn’t let him win this.

So he was just as surprised – and annoyed – when he opened the door and jumped on the man on his apartment, the thing he had been holding falling to his thigh and making a big gash on it as he screamed and started calling him a lunatic.

“Who sent you?” He asked in a loud voice, seeing as the man was still moaning in pain and grabbing his own leg, looking at the bleeding. Jensen let go of him and started walking quickly around his apartment, trying to see if there was anyone else there but the man. “Who the fuck sent you?” He yelled as he got back to the man, grabbing him by the shirt and making him stand up. The man stammered before answering.

“Jared Padalecki!” He said with a whimper. “He hired me to fix your door.” Fuck. Fuck, what had he done? He let go of the man, who fell to the floor with a yelp, hands going to his leg yet again. “What the hell is wrong with you?” Jensen shook his head, not knowing what to say. Feeling ashamed and paranoid, even though he was fully aware he had enough reasons to be paranoid. “Don’t just stand there! Call an ambulance!”

Finally being cooperative, Jensen did call an ambulance. It didn’t take long for them to arrive and Jensen apologized as the man was being taken from his apartment, but he pointedly ignored Jensen. Feeling a mixture of anger and shame, Jensen called Jared, ignoring the six calls, two voice messages and one text message. Jared picked up on the first ring and before he could finish saying hello, Jensen was yelling at him.

“What the fuck were you thinking? I almost killed him!” Jared hesitated for a moment before speaking and Jensen couldn’t stop pacing around his apartment.

“I… left you some messages, Jen. Check your phone. I’ve been trying to contact you the whole day.” Jensen groaned on the phone and he could hear Jared sighing.

“He can press charges against me.” He hissed on the phone, forcing himself to sit on the couch and stop fidgeting so much, even though it was still clear by his voice that he was on edge.

“He won’t, not if I pay for his medical care.” Jared said matter-of-factly and Jensen got up again in anger, pacing back and forth in front of his desk.

“Do you need to control everything?” Jensen could hear someone calling Jared on the other side of the line and he guessed Jared was working, but Jared didn’t reply to whomever called him, instead focusing on Jensen and their conversation.

“How am I controlling things? You needed a lock on your door, I wanted to help.” Jared even sounded offended and Jensen had to lick his lips and rub a hand against his face so he wouldn’t start yelling again.

“Jared, please. Listen to me. Don’t call, don’t visit. And don’t send strange men to my apartment!” Or anyone, for that matter, regardless if they were wielding power tools or not, even if they had the purest of intentions, like fix his door. Jared was silent for a brief moment, so Jensen continued to speak. “Let me handle my own shit, Jared. You’re acting just like your mother.” There was a sharp intake of breath from the other side of the line and Jensen knew instantly that he had gone too far.

“Wow. Low blow, Jen. Even for you.” The disappointment in Jared’s voice was so thick that Jensen couldn’t take it anymore. He finished the call without saying goodbye, without waiting to see if Jared had anything else to say. They needed space, now more than ever. If Jared couldn’t understand how dangerous it was to be near Jensen right now, Jensen had to give him a wake up call. He only hoped he could have thought of something else instead of mentioning Jared’s mom.

Going back to his desk, Jensen sat there and mulled over what he had found out. Morgenstern had never gone to the hospital, the ambulance that had probably taken him had disappeared for a couple of days before returning to the hospital. He found the name of the driver yet again – Richard Speight Jr. – on his printed paper and then started to research about him. The man apparently didn’t go back to work, and as it seemed, he was currently living with his mother. Finding an address, Jensen decided to go there the following day by the morning.

Now he needed to rest, even if it meant spending a couple of hours looking at his ceiling until he finally fell asleep. But when he did sleep, he managed to get at least six hours of sleep before being up again due to yet another dream – memory? – of Morgenstern. Jensen took a shower, ate a bowl of dry cereal – the milk was smelling a bit odd and he decided to throw it away – and went to the subway so he could get a train to Richard’s house.

Arriving there, the mother was very displeased with Jensen’s visit, but after lying and pretend to be someone he wasn’t and promising he just wanted the best for her son, she let him in. It was obvious from the start that the woman was a religious fanatic, with her sayings of God sending him – or perhaps the devil – to help them and with the house filled with crucifixes and images of Jesus Christ and Jensen wondered for a moment if she was originally from Texas. However, whatever it was Jensen was expecting when he met Speight, it was not what he actually got. He gaped for a moment as he saw a man sitting in a wheelchair, a big machine attached to him.

“What exactly happened to him?” Jensen finally spoke as he saw the woman give her son to drink from a straw. She pursed her lips before speaking.

“He had a stroke.” Jensen eyed the man again, utterly confused.

“But he’s too young for a stroke.” Jensen commented and the woman looked at him as if he was being particularly dense. Jensen remained quiet then, until the man finished drinking his water and Jensen was partly curious, but mostly sad for the man.

“They think his body went into shock after the surgery.” She explained, at Jensen’s blank face, she continued. “When he donated his kidneys.” That made Jensen gape again and he frowned, looking from the man to the woman in confusion.

“ _Kidneys_? Plural?” Who could do something like this? At least willingly? And Jensen’s features darkened when he realized what had happened. The woman continued speaking though, caressing her son’s hair back fondly.

“So selfless and brave.” She said fondly, smiling at him, and Jensen wondered how could she think so. No one in their right minds would donate both kidneys – it was possible to live with just one, even Morgenstern could live with just one, even if both had died. “After what happened with the ambulance, he disappeared for three weeks.” Jensen could see that now the woman was informing their side of the story, hoping that would help Jensen help them. “Then I get a call from the hospital. They found him in an alley, half dead because of his sacrifice.” She started covering with a blanket and all the while Jensen could only stare, dumbfounded. “For years I’d prayed for my son to come back home to me. And finally, he did.” She looked at Jensen then before adding: “Not the way I expected, but God always knows what he’s doing.” Jensen was stunned and he was absolutely sure that woman was crazy. “Pray with us.”

She took her son’s hand and tried to give her other hand to Jensen, who was keeping his distance, and he had to shake his head. “Sorry, I’m just getting better from a cold, maybe I shouldn’t.” The woman nodded and squeezed her son’s hand. “Is he on that thing all the time? It looks expensive.” Now he was just fishing for more information, and he hoped she could give them to him.

“I think it is.” She said, looking at the machine with a tilted head. “An anonymous angel sent it to us. Some donor in the city. Well, God bless whoever it is.” Jensen didn’t even hesitate before he spoke again.

“I don’t want to be a burden or anything, but could I ask for a glass of water?” The woman nodded and petted her son once more before retreating to the kitchen. Jensen watched her go until she was out of sight, and he walked to the man’s side so he could have a closer look at the machine. At the bottom, there was a serial number and Jensen took his phone out of his pocket and took a quick picture of it. Then he looked at the man, who made some noises, probably trying to speak, but not being able to. “This wasn’t God’s work. It was the Devil’s. But I’m gonna find him.”

There was promise in his tone, but the man had pleading eyes. He managed to get a hold of a notepad and a pen and with great difficulty, he started to write. Jensen looked at it with all his attention, until he realized what the man was trying to say. “Kill me” was finally written on the paper and Jensen was shocked and horrified. He shook his head, but the man started fussing, making noises. Looking quickly to where the mother had vanished to, he ripped the page of the notebook just in time for the mother to arrive with the glass of water.

“You’ve upset him.” She had a thunderous look on her face and Jensen walked away from her son. “You should leave now.” Jensen could only nod, still unable to believe what the other man had asked of him. He could only imagine the pain he went through daily and spending one day with Morgenstern was enough to traumatize people, so all that, added to the fact that he would never be able to walk again, or maybe even talk and have a normal life would drive someone insane, and dying was the best option to them.

Jensen knew the feeling, the need to die, even though it was completely different from this man. There was nothing he could do for him, though, unless seek vengeance for him and any other person Morgenstern had ever used.

Going home, Jensen searched on his phone the store that had sold the haemodialysis machine and made a call to them. He lied yet again, saying that the machine was acting weird and that he needed the name of the person who donated it so he could have them give permission to have it fixed. However, there was no one in that day, but they promised to return his call the following morning when the person responsible would be able to call. Jensen couldn’t believe he’d have to wait yet another day, but maybe it was better to cool off a little.

Jensen had just gotten into his apartment and was opening a bottle of whiskey when there was a hard knock on his door. Jensen put the bottle down slowly, trying not to make a sound, and as he approached the door, there was another, more persistent knock. He breathed in and out before opening the door and expecting the worst, but only finding Katie Cassidy in his door, with red-rimmed eyes and blotchy face. He schooled his face as to not show he knew her.

“Jensen Ackles?” She asked, voice scratchy, only adding to the whole mess the girl looked. Instantly, Jensen knew that Danneel had probably told her about the pictures and then Katie probably went to her husband.

“May I help you?” He tried to keep his face impassive as she looked at him in disbelief and anger.

“Solve this, PI jerk.” Jensen pursed his lips at the word, but let the woman continue. “Since my husband didn’t hire you to follow me, who the fuck did?” She crossed her arms, invading Jensen’s space, but Jensen let her, keeping one hand tightly on the doorknob and the other by his side.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t discuss cases.” He tried to finish the conversation there, but the woman wouldn’t relent.

“You took pictures.” And she seemed outraged by that – which was fair, Jensen knew, but his job was an honest one, he had his papers so he only did what he had to. Even though in this case, no one really hired him. Those pictures weren’t supposed to see the light of day.

“It’s called _Private_ Investigations for a reason.”  Jensen pointed out, but he could see Katie just got angrier, her face contorting in one of pure rage. He still tried to keep his face neutral, not letting her see any emotion in him.

“All I can think is that you hired yourself.” She gave a humourless chuckle before continuing. “To get rid of Danneel’s conquests, thin out the competition.” Jensen knew that to both Danneel and Katie, this was just a bootie call. In fact, Danneel didn’t seem like someone who wanted to settle down, not so soon after what happened. “Are you some creeper? Some kind of stalker?” Jensen pursed his lips, understanding her implications.

“I’m not a stalker.” He said, face finally showing emotion, but she would have none of it.

“Danneel said my husband knew. Well, he knows now that I asked him about it.” Again with the humourless laugh and Jensen was feeling highly uncomfortable and he couldn’t take this bullshit anymore.

“Look, I’m sorry you screwed up your marriage—“ He was interrupted by the girl snarling at his face.

“ _You_ screwed it up!” Jensen hated it when people blamed him for their shit. Katie had consciously cheated on her husband and even if Jensen’s pictures of her and Danneel hadn’t gotten out, there was still a change he could find out on his own. And then it would be whose fault? Not hers, since she apparently thought she was right in cheating. “And all you’ve done is get Danneel in trouble.” At that, Jensen narrowed his eyes.

“What do you mean?” Katie seemed to deflate and she gave a couple of steps back, hands falling to her side. She seemed a bit guilty and Jensen started to worry even before she spoke.

“My husband plays in a rugby league. He got his team buddies all worked up and while some might be against hitting women, most of them are following him to Danneel’s bar.” Jensen clenched his jaw, leaving his own apartment and closing the door behind him, going to the elevator without even waiting for Katie.

He took a cab to Danneel’s bar and it seemed he got there just in time, as a bunch of guys entered the bar with insults at the tip of their tongues and hands fisted into balls. He entered the bar in time to see Danneel dodging a punch before giving a punch of her own and knocking the guy out. Jensen was flabbergasted at that, but when all the others tried to jump her, he joined in the fight and started throwing any man who looked menacing enough through the bar. Some people started hitting him too, but he managed well enough on his own. He chanced a look at Danneel, trying to see if she was okay and what he saw was the most absurd thing ever.

A man came from behind her and broke a bottle on her head and she didn’t even flinch, but then she turned to the guy and gave a slap on his forehead – from the distance, it didn’t seem like much more than a slap, and still the man fell to the floor as if he had been punched in the eye. As if it was not enough, Danneel turned to look at Jensen, confusion in her eyes as she noticed his uncommon strength, and then a man with a broken glass – a different one, Jensen noticed – tried to stab her in the stomach with the glass, but it only shattered against her skin and there wasn’t a single drop of blood on her tight, white shirt. Everyone looked stunned for a moment.

Then Danneel turned to look at the man and as if the man was a doll made of cloth, she had him trapped against the bar and Jensen could see in the man’s face that he was in pain. “You’re drunk.” Her voice wasn’t even all that breathless – while Jensen was trying to catch his breath after their brawl – but it was thick with something Jensen couldn’t exactly point out. “Clear your mind and then go back to your wife.” She tried to keep her voice calm as she talked in a low voice with the man.

“You’ve ruined my life.” The man said, tears welling on his face, but she just rolled her eyes. How could people blame Danneel for it? She had no idea about it and she found out, she wanted none of that drama in her life, and now she was being blamed by another woman’s decision, much like Katie had done with Jensen. Well, at least they deserved each other, Jensen thought to himself.

“I’ll do worse if you show up here again. Sleep it off, forget you were here. I’ll do the same.” Her tone was clearly a warning, but then she let go of him. The man stumbled on his own feet, looked at her as if she was insane and fled from there, his friends following suit – Jensen was glad to see some of them were limping and others had visible bruises on them.

How could they think fighting – mainly with a woman – was okay? Danneel had… _something_ about her, sure. But none of them knew that before they showed up at the bar. Danneel reached him slowly, looking at the other patrons who were wide eyed at what they had just seen, until she whispered to him.

“What the hell was that?” Well, she was one to ask. However, this was no place to talk about such things and he had promised to stay away from her. So he just shrugged.

“Team work?” He gave her a nervous smile but she just stared at him more intensily for a moment before turning to the rest of the bar. She smiled prettily at everyone and clapped her hands together, as if showing them she was back to business.

“Free shots to everyone!” She said, overly cheery, but everyone just cheered back, conversation finally going back to the bar. Then she turned to him again and her expression darkened once again. “Now get out of here.”

Jensen nodded as she turned her back on him again, but he couldn’t help but hesitate by the door for a moment, watching Danneel.

What the hell just happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Please comment and leave a kudo! :*


	3. aka Remembrance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so so sorry I took over a month to update. As you can see (if you follow my other fics) I've been busy with other projects, but I finally remembered to come here and post this. Next chapter might take a little longer to come because it's not finished, but I plan on writing it soon.
> 
> Anyway, hope you like this chapter! Much more J2 on this!

A loud ring echoed around his room and Jensen almost punched his alarm clock, but he realized it was his phone ringing and he tried to clear his head enough to wake up. As he had premeditated, it was about the haemodialysis machine and while his voice was still slow and hoarse from sleep, he wrote down the information the person on the other line told him. He was given a name, Dr Jim Beaver, and he went through his old things because the name sounded familiar. And yes, there it was. On Morgenstern death certificate, there was the name. Jensen needed to know more about him, though.

Researching the man, Jensen found out he had been a doctor his whole life – and a pretty good one, if the information he found was anything to go by –, but about a year ago he quit and started giving classes to undergrads. Jensen could already guess why that was. He found a phone number, but he doubted the man would be willing to talk to Jensen so naturally about Morgenstern or his involvement with the ambulance driver. Jensen decided, then, to go one of his classes.

Entering, as always, was easy for him, and he tried to be as subtle as possible. Doctor Beaver, however, when he saw Jensen sitting at a chair at the back of the classroom, his words faltered and he clearly got nervous. He continued stuttering for a while before giving up and running out of the door by his side. Jensen was quick to follow, not even caring if people were looking at them. At least no one tried to stop them.

Jensen followed the man to the basement, and Jensen needed to make him stop. He wasn’t the villain there, damn it. “Doctor Beaver?” He asked, there was silence for a moment, but Jensen kept walking to where the man was. He didn’t want to scare the older man further. “You obviously think I’m going to do something to you. I’m not. You don’t even know me.” Nothing, even though Jensen could hear heavy breathing sometimes. Sighing, he decided to speak. “I guess I’ll start, then. You were the best transplant surgeon in LA, and now you’re dissecting frogs with undergrads.” Still nothing. “You’re hiding. Why?” Jensen could have a nice bet of why, but Beaver needed to speak to him.

“Is he here?” His tone was terrified, but he still didn’t come out from wherever he was hiding.

“Who? Morgenstern?” Jensen asked, feigning innocence, but the next part came out harsher than he had intended. “He’s dead, according to the death certificate that _you_ forged.” Jensen stopped walking, looking straight at where he guessed the man was, waiting for him to come out.

“Is he with you?” Jensen had to frown at that.

“Why’d he be with me?” Jensen couldn’t help the venom from his words. The idea of being with Morgenstern made him nauseated and mad, and he hated it.

“He had pictures of you.” Jensen’s heartbeat rose and he had to breathe in and out to calm himself. “He was obsessed.” Of course he was. Had Morgenstern not found someone who had many things in common with Jensen to kidnap, Jensen might have lived with the blissful ignorance that he didn’t mean anything to Morgenstern. However, it still frightened him how much obsessed Morgenstern actually was. Jensen couldn’t understand why. He had always thought he was just one more of his ‘conquests’ – if you could call an unwilling partner that – but apparently Jensen had been somewhat special.

“He’s not here.” His voice was softer than normal, understanding the fear the doctor was feeling and wanting to reassure him. It seemed to help. Beaver slowly came out from behind of a wall. Jensen started talk. “You performed a surgery on Richard Speight Jr.” Before he could continue, Jim spoke.

“He made me.” His voice wavered and Jensen hated that Morgenstern had survived, that he had used his powers in such a way that made people actually traumatized of him. One thing was to ask for a table at a restaurant where people were already dining, another thing was to force a man to donate both kidneys and make the doctor do the surgery regardless of the other man’s consent.

“I know.” Jensen said in reassurance. He wondered, not for the first time, if people who knew he had met Morgenstern thought he hadn’t been under the man’s powers as well. They might not know the full expanse of it – to which Jensen was grateful – but he knew exactly what he was capable of. Yet, he needed to be reassuring right now. Pushing the man away would do no good. “Why?” He continued. “In what shape was Morgenstern in? How badly hurt?” He wanted to ask if it would have been enough to kill him if no one had showed up, but he couldn’t bring himself to say the words.

“One of his kidneys had been destroyed in the accident. The other one started to shut down. It’s known as the Crush Syndrome.” Beaver explained anxiously. He had to clear his throat before continuing. Jensen was utterly confused and it probably showed on his face, because Beaver got closer as he spoke. “Richard, under Morgenstern’s orders, grabbed me. I told Morgenstern he could survive with one kidney, but he wanted to be made whole again.” Beaver laughed humourlessly and Jensen wondered how much more the man would be able to talk about it without breaking down.

“And Richard was a match?” From what Jensen knew about these things, a kidney would only work on another person’s body if they were a match, otherwise it would last long enough. His worries were answered by Beaver’s next words.

“Any kidney can work temporarily. He’d have to maim someone else in a couple of years.” That shouldn’t make Jensen shocked, but it did. Trying not to focus on that, Jensen continued asking questions, although more urgently now.

“No more weaknesses? Injuries? Anything?” Any information would help, but the doctor only shook his head, expression pained as he avoided looking Jensen in the eyes.

“I’ve never seen such strong will.” Jensen frowned, but Beaver finally looked at him as he explained. “Ten hours of surgery, he watched me the entire time.” Wait, that meant…

“He was awake? No anaesthesia?” Morgenstern could be a sadist and an evil bastard, but he wasn’t a masochist.

“He refused to be put under, I used only an epidural.” Jensen’s mind raced with the information. Could it be he finally had a way to get to Morgenstern?

“He didn’t want to stay unconscious.” That would mean his powers would work that way. “But he sleeps!” He said anxiously, but Beaver, catching Jensen’s thought process, pipped in to help.

“It’s different. Surgical anaesthesia, like Propofol or Sufentanil, it shuts down different functions.” Fuck. Fuck, Jensen could get Morgenstern. He could finally catch him.

“That’s it. That’s his fucking weakness.” He was giddy with the information, but he had more pressing matters at hand. He fumbled with his pocket to get his phone and quickly he made a call. “Mark Sheppard, please.” Jensen turned to Beaver as the call was being directed to Mark. “He’s an attorney. You’re gonna tell him what happened.” The doctor was shaking his head and ready to bolt, but Jensen held him by the arm. “What exactly do you have left to lose?” It hadn’t been his intention to sound to angry, but at least it made Beaver stop and look Jensen straight in the eye.

“My mind.” He replied in a whisper. Jensen faltered, but Sheppard picked up the line and Jensen had only one choice.

“I’m sorry. But you need to start helping people again, starting with me.” Mark called him on the line and Jensen licked his lips. “Sheppard, meet Doctor Beaver.” And he passed him the phone. Beaver talked to Mark at length, giving more details than he had given Jensen – although some Jensen already knew, how the feeling of being compelled to do something one didn’t really want to do. Mark seemed convinced enough and promised to go check on Adrianne, accepting to take her case.

Jensen left with a feeling of accomplishment and he had hope in his heart for the first time in a long time. Things were brightening up. He needed to find a way to get the drugs to knock Morgenstern out and then find where he was, so his first step was to go home and do some more research. After a while, Jensen came to the conclusion that he’d have to go to a hospital and steal some of this drug because it wasn’t freely given so easily, and instead of going through some doctors who might find odd his want for such drugs, he thought it would be quicker and more effective to just go to a hospital and get the drugs himself.

It was getting late, though, and he decided that he’d go the next morning, if opportunity arouse. For now, he cleaned up the mess he had made with everything about Morgenstern and put his file away. Those old clues wouldn’t help him anymore. As he walked to his room, something caught his eye and he noticed there was something in his apartment he hadn’t noticed before. He took it and realized what it was before he opened the paper enveloping its content. Jensen smiled beyond himself as he tore the paper up and the smile grew bigger when he found a window for his door, with the name Ackles Investigation in it.

Without even thinking about it, he was soon setting the glass down and taking his phone and calling Jared, completely forgetting about their last conversation. Right then, Jensen only wanted to hear Jared’s voice. When he heard Jared picking the phone up, Jensen spoke before Jared even could. “The font logo is different on the window.” His voice was soft, though and he knew Jared smiled, even though he couldn’t see it.

“Well, I didn’t see the old one.” Even with the implication that Jensen hadn’t had Jared over before the door was broken, Jared’s tone was amused and clearly happy.

“It was different.” Jensen said again, but he knew he had a giddy smile on his face. Fuck, even after all these years, Jared’s voice alone could make the world seem like a brighter place.

“Mine is better.” Jensen admitted to himself that Jared’s choice was beautiful and probably more expensive than the one Jensen had bought beforehand. But Jensen didn’t need to give him the satisfaction. After a moment in silence, Jared spoke again. “I don’t need your protection anymore.” His voice was more serious now and Jensen’s smile vanished. They were having that conversation then. He opened his mouth to retort, but Jared continued. “You’re cutting me out so you don’t have to worry about me. How long do we know each other? I know you, I know all your quirks.” Jared sighed on the phone and Jensen tried to mumble some excuse over the phone but he knew Jared was right, because they knew each other better than they knew themselves. “So I’m telling you: don’t. I don’t need it.” Jensen opened his mouth again, but Jared quickly added: “I don’t want it.”

Jared had never liked Jensen protecting him, not when they were teenagers, not when they were living together, and clearly, not now. Jensen knew he wouldn’t win this round – although they both knew that if needed, Jensen would do everything to protect Jared. “Well, do you wanna grab a beer or something?” Jensen wondered for a moment if it sounded too much like an invitation for a date, but then decided he didn’t care if it did.

“Uh, I left my trainer waiting. I’m… exercising.” Jensen smiled at that. Even though it meant they weren’t meeting for a drink or even for dinner, it meant Jared continued with his ‘exercises’, his hobbies remained the same.

“Yoga’s not exercising, it’s stretching. And if you stretch too much and grow any more, you’ll only be cast as those gigantic monsters.” Jensen replied with tenderness in his voice. He had always loved Jared’s height, even though Jared had been shorter when he first moved in with Jared. But then he grew up out of nowhere and he was so big and cuddly and Jensen loved it.

“We can go for dinner sometime later this week. What do you say?” Jared’s tone was light, but Jensen could hear the tenseness in it as well, and it was so clear this was a date invitation. Jensen blushed and then admonished himself for reacting like this.

“Sounds good.” Jensen hoped he hadn’t sound as breathless as he thought he was, but he couldn’t help he was head over heels for this man.

“I’ll call you, then. Pick up the phone when I do. Okay?” Jensen agreed, but before they could say their goodbyes, Jared added: “And I’m nothing like my mother.”

“You have her cheekbones.” Jensen tried to sound amused, but he couldn’t help the guilt that overcame him. Jared was nothing like any of his parents. Jared was the sweetest, most amazing person in the world and Jensen had no idea why he kept hurting Jared over and over.

“Well, maybe one thing, then.” He chuckled, honestly not bothered by this conversation. They finally said their goodbyes and Jensen stared at his phone for a while with a silly smile on his face. God, he loved that man. Jensen stood up and decided to take a shower and maybe cook something before hitting the bed and calling it a night. He left the shower full naked, wandered into his bedroom and put on some low sweatpants. When he left his room, though, and made his way to the kitchen, there was a voice behind him.

“I saw you.” He turned, gasping quite loudly, but thankfully enough, it was only Danneel. She was leaning against the wall of his apartment and Jensen cursed himself for having the door broken in the first place, making it easy for anyone to enter – not that it would have matter if it was Morgenstern.

“Well, that’s what happens when you break into someone’s apartment when they’re getting dressed.” Jensen tried to be nonchalant about it, even though his heartbeat was still loud in his eardrums. Danneel uncrossed her arms and got closer, but Jensen remained where he was.

“You tossed two guys as tall as you at the same time to the other side of the bar.” Apparently, Danneel would have none of his shit.

“Adrenaline kicked in.” Jensen lied before he could think twice about it. After Morgenstern, anyone with powers finding out about his powers frightened him and even though Danneel seemed like a very good person, this could go very badly if she found out.

“I saw you. And you saw me.” Her eyes were fiery, the intensity in her words making it clear that she knew that Jensen had noticed she wasn’t normal. “I wonder how long you’ve known.” The implication wasn’t lost to Jensen and he hated that, once again, all the stalking he had done only came back to bite him in the ass.

“I didn’t.” He was telling the truth, but he could see in Danneel’s face that she didn’t believe him. When she didn’t say anything, only squinted her eyes at him, Jensen continued talking. “I just… I went there to fix things.” She huffed and walked to the wall she had been leaning on. She bended over to get something from the floor, and when Jensen realized it was the power tool the man had cut himself with – thanks to him – Jensen gave a step back.

Danneel, however, rose her own shirt, her small waist and smooth belly the only thing she let Jensen see before she turned the thing on and put it against her own stomach. Jensen gasped, completely shocked. Nothing happened to her skin. In fact, after a moment the power tool _broke_. He gasped loudly again, looking from the thing to her face and to her stomach, trying to understand. Jensen slowly made his way to her and as he rose his hand to touch her, she gave a small nod in consent. The skin was warmer than usual at the touch, but intact.

“You can’t fix me.” Her voice was small, tough, but also full of emotion, and he turned his face so he could look her in the eyes. “I’m unbreakable.” Fuck. After Morgenstern, Jensen didn’t know he could be surprised by much, but there was a girl – petite, girly, flirty – who had a body that couldn’t break. This was amazing. He was staring at her with such awe that he only noticed she leaning in when their lips brushed together, but Jensen pulled back, hands coming to his sides.

“Sorry, I, uh…” She was hot and her power was hot – imagine all the crazy sex they could have – but Jensen couldn’t stop thinking about Jared. They were planning on going on a date. Not to mention Danneel shouldn’t be involved with him in anyway. “There’s someone else.” He said finally and he could see her deflating from the news. She lowered her shirt before shrugging and smirking at him.

“Well, we could still be friends. Right? I mean, I still don’t forgive you for invading my privacy, but…” She shrugged again. Jensen had no idea what to say. Being friends still meant they’d spend time together or see each other and how could Jensen live with himself with that kind of arrangement? At the same time, if he said no, he’d look like a bigger jerk, so he simply nodded. “Great. Dress something, we’re going to eat something.”

Jensen chuckled and wandered into his room again to put on jeans and a shirt and jacket. Then they left together, but in comfortable silence, and Jensen let Danneel guide them to a food truck somewhere between Jensen’s home and Danneel’s bar. They ordered their food and sat on one of the small tables provided by the food truck.

“Just how unbreakable are you?” Jensen asked as he dipped some of his French fries into the ketchup he had poured on his plate. Danneel laughed and shrugged.

“I don’t know and I _really_ don’t want to find out.” Jensen hummed, still in awe with her ability. Jensen could heal faster than most people and he was stronger than some of the strongest people in the world, but he wasn’t unbreakable. “What exactly do you do? Or are you just really strong?” It was Jensen’s turn to chuckle and he gave a light shrug. Danneel rolled her eyes, although it was clear she was highly amused. “Can you punch through a wall? Stop a moving car?” Jensen smiled at her questions and decided to just reply – after all, he had started with the questioning.

“A slow moving car.” Danneel chuckled and continued eating her fries for a moment before looking up at Jensen again. She squinted her eyes and smirked deviously before asking:

“Can you fly?” Jensen slowly chewed on his food and then swallowed, trying to find the right words to describe it.

“It’s more like… jumping.” He explained, but she kept looking at him expectantly. “And then falling.” He could stay a few minutes in the air, as if like flying, but it always made the landing harder. Jumping from place to place was a more certain thing to do than trying to ‘fly’. Danneel chuckled as she gave a big bite from her sandwich. They ate in silence for a moment before she spoke again.

“Do you ever wonder if there are more like us out there? I mean, we see comic books about powered people, but do you think they were based in real people?” Jensen had no idea. He truly believed his powers weren’t completely natural, that someone tried to give him powers, but there was no record at the hospital after the accident and as much as they dug for information, nothing pointed out that there was something more out there. Therefore, there was a possibility Jensen’s powers awakened after the accident, something he was born with, and it was possible for the comics to have been based on real people.

“I really don’t have answers. I mean, there probably are more people out there. How are the odds of two powered people living in LA, a few blocks from each other?” He didn’t really want to bring Morgenstern up, to open that can of worms, mainly with Danneel. She was thoughtful for a moment before finally speaking again.

“Were you born this way?” Jensen shook his head as he played with a french fry, avoiding Danneel’s eyes.

“Not really sure, actually. I had an accident and the powers showed up after it.” She nodded, thoughtful. Now that Danneel was making the questions, Jensen decided to ask it back. “You?” She shook her head and drank from her straw before simply saying:

“Experiment.” She didn’t delve into the topic and Jensen knew better than to ask. Danneel wanted to be friends, so she would share whatever she felt comfortable with and Jensen would respect that, even if he was dying to know. “Does… anyone know about your abilities?” She asked, taking yet another bite from her sandwich.

“A couple.” Jensen then shrugged, finally eating more of his fries. “I’m not hiding, but I’m not advertising either.” Danneel pursed her lips for a moment and averted her eyes. “Why? Are you hiding?” Danneel sighed loudly before putting her sandwich down and looking at Jensen again.

“I protect myself and what’s mine. If people find out… Nothing good would come out of it.” Jensen knew that her abilities came in handy for a girl like her, who seemed defenceless because of her built – Jensen had honestly thought so and had worried since she owned a bar and drunk men often didn’t care about ‘no’. “Being a hero just puts a target on your back.” She continued, and Jensen knew that far too much to be actually comfortable.

“Been there, done that.” He huffed, biting almost violently at his sandwich, but he could see Danneel’s mouth opening in surprise, eyes widening as the words sank in. She leant forward and smiled at him.

“You tried to be a hero? Really?” Jensen swallowed before nodding. She seemed far too enthusiastic for someone who had just claimed being a hero was a bad thing. “Oh my God!” She giggled, leaning back on her chair as she looked at Jensen as if she had just found out something crucial about him. “ _Please_ tell me you had a costume and that you still have it. I need to see you in spandex.” Jensen almost chocked on his sandwich at that. He blushed violently before denying that he had a costume at all.

“Besides, it didn’t work out.” In fact, playing the superhero only brought more bad things upon himself and others than good. He enjoyed doing that, helping people, and Jared was a great support, but in the end, he had screwed it all up.

“Well, I guess you still get points for trying to do something good.” She smiled, although Jensen noticed it was a bit worried and he wondered if his face had showed exactly how unhappy those thoughts made him.

“Not enough to cancel out the bad.” He said simply and averted his eyes, unable to look at Danneel, knowing she’d never forgive him if he knew what he had done, even under Morgenstern’s orders.

“Jen, everyone can do good and bad.” She said putting a hand over his and looked back at her. She smiled and let go of him. “What matters is what wins that day.” Jensen took those words to heart, but doubted it would help in the future when the flashbacks happened.

“I think I’m heading back now. Gotta work in the morning.” Jensen said, standing up. Danneel stood too and asked for his phone number and he gave it to her then they said their goodbyes and parted ways. While he did plan on going to a hospital, perhaps even trying to do the same as he had done the last time – borrow a scrub and pretend to be a nurse just to get the drugs – he had to research the drugs, needed to know how much he’d need to get, how much he could use at a time.

For now, though, Jensen went home. He stared at the door when he arrived, and promised himself he’d find someone to fix his door the next day. Brushing his teeth and lying on the bed, Jensen was ready to fall asleep, but his mind seemed to be working in overdrive. The conversation with Danneel brought memories of times before Morgenstern, when things were hard, but there was still hope. As he laid there, looking at his ceiling, Jensen let himself reminisce.

 

The accident hadn’t been his fault.

That was what everyone told him, but he had his doubts. He had been sitting in the middle seat, between his older brother and little sister, and Josh wasn’t letting them play with the Gameboy. It was Jensen’s, and Mackenzie was begging him to play, so Jensen ended up trying to manhandle the toy out of his brother’s hands and Josh was being particularly annoying – he was eighteen now, and in a few months he’d be moving to College and he had this air of superiority now that Jensen hated. Jensen and Josh had been arguing, basically yelling at each other and Mackenzie started crying because she hated to see her big brothers fight. Their mom was trying to calm them down, trying to reason with them, but Jensen and Joshua wouldn’t listen.

Then their father turned to tell them to stop fighting, and that was the end. Their fighting cost their lives. Jensen, somehow – the doctors told him it was because he was in the middle of the car and got less of the blow – had survived. If he had just let Joshua play with his Gameboy for the entirety of the trip, they’d have been alive now. This was supposed to be a nice family trip, all of them together before Josh went to College. But all of them, _all of them_ except Jensen had died.

Fuck, Mackenzie had only been eight. How was that fair?

He didn’t remember much from the accident. After the truck hit their car, he remembered yelling as the car toppled over and over until he blacked out. When he fainted, he hadn’t noticed anyone else fainting – or dying – before he did. Days passed before he woke up, and when he did, the first voice he heard was _his_. Jared’s.

“You can be the one to say ‘welcome back, by the way your whole family is dead’.” Not the best words to wake up to, mainly not from someone who would become his world in a few months. The tears instantly came to his eyes at the words, at the realization that his family was dead, that he was alone in the world. “Mom.” Jared tried to whisper, but his tone was urgent. “I think he’s awake.” Jensen opened his eyes and the first face he saw was Jared’s concerned, troubled face before a small, haughty woman was pushing his son to the side and smiling at Jensen.

“It’s okay, Jensen, darling. We’re your new family now. Jared’s going to save you.” Jensen could see Jared pursing his lips and looking away, but Jensen could just cry. They left him be for a moment, but throughout the next days, they continued coming back to visit Jensen. Jared’s mom, Sherri, was far too chirpy, but Jensen didn’t feel like talking to her – or to anyone for that matter. He remained silent until the day they had to leave. It was only then he noticed he was going to a little hell.

The Padalecki household was big. Each of the children had a room of their own and Jensen would get one for himself as well, to which he was thankful for the privacy. However, it didn’t matter how big the house was, Jensen could always listen to Jared fighting with his parents. Well, actually Gerald was a man of few words. No, he preferred to communicate with his fists. However, to Jensen’s eyes, Sherri was worse than her husband. Her words were always cutting, always degrading Jared and there had been times Jensen had caught her trying to make Jared throw up after eating more than she had put in his plate, making sure he’d stay in shape.

On the day he arrived at their home, for instance, Jensen was unboxing the few things he took from home before moving as he heard Sherri complain about Jared’s hair, that she was going to cut it herself if he didn’t go to the barber shop and have it cut. Their argument continued and Jensen barely noticed someone approaching him because he was too busy listening in, halfway through the bathroom door.

“It’s always like this.” Jensen turned around quickly and noticed an older guy, he seemed to be Josh’s age and from what Jensen remembered from seeing on tv, this was Jared’s older brother, Jeff. Before he could say anything, Jeff continued. “It’s not like he doesn’t deserve it anyway.” At that, Jensen frowned.

“I hardly think not wanting to cut your hair makes you deserve what she’s saying.” Jensen said, eyes squinted as he looked straight at Jeff, who was huge in comparison to him, but Jensen wasn’t afraid of him. Jeff shook his head and crossed his arms.

“Not that. He wanted to be an actor, mom and dad made it happen and got too absorbed with the fame and now they’re… like that.” Jeff said with a wave on his hand, indicating where Jared was with his mother. “Better him than Megan. I’m not around much anymore due to College, but I worry about my sister. She doesn’t deserve what he makes her go through.”

“So far, what I’ve gathered is that you’re a terrible brother who should be happy for your brother following his dreams, but instead you’re jealous of, what? His fame? The clearly unwanted attention he gets from mommy and daddy? Don’t spew lies that this is about your sister. If you care about one of them, you should care about the both of them.” Jensen said, watching Jeff’s face darken, the anger sinking in, but then he just turned on his heel and entered the bathroom, closing the door behind himself. He didn’t lock it, but Jeff didn’t follow him in.

Jensen started putting his things in place – toothbrush, towel, shampoo, soap – and then he stared at himself in the mirror. He still had a small cut on his forehead, almost completely healed, but he could see he looked battered and he wondered if that was the reason Jeff hadn’t followed him to the bathroom. A loud cry made Jensen close his eyes and punch the sink that was in front of him – his surprise was when the entire thing fell to the floor and he had to jump back, horrified.

He broke a sink. He broke a fucking _sink_. It was made of ceramic, it was supposed to be sturdy and hard to break, at least not like this. Curious as to where the strength came from, Jensen bent down and, slowly, took the part of the sink from the floor and started lifting it. He could clearly feel the weight of it, but he noticed he could easily lift it. He tried to hold it with only one hand, a small smile tugging at his lips, when the bathroom door opened and closed and he looked up to see Jared in there, tears running down his face, a cut on his neck overflowing with blood. They stared at each other, both of them in shock – but for different reasons.

Quickly Jensen set the sink back down and got his own towel, wetting it before turning to Jared and handing him the towel. Jared accepted it, instantly putting the towel against his neck, and he winced, but his eyes continued locked on Jensen, who was starting to feel restless under such intense gaze.

“How did you do that?” Jared’s voice was a bit hoarse and hesitant and Jensen wondered if he was afraid of him. If his brother, who was shorter and had no strength could harm him this much, imagine a boy his age who was slightly taller and apparently had amazing strength? Jensen licked his lips, sitting on the edge of the bathtub before speaking.

“I don’t really know. Never happened before.” Jared kept looking at him, but after a moment, he nodded and sat on the toilet lid, eyes still on Jensen. “Uh…” Jensen started, pointing at Jared’s neck. “Are you okay?” Jared finally averted his eyes, and Jensen thought he could see tears filling the boy’s hazel eyes, but Jared was pointedly looking away, his hand gripping tightly on the towel he held against his cut.

“I’m fine. It was just superficial.” Jared mumbled, and with his free hand he cleaned his tear streaked face. Jensen just looked at the boy, unsure of what to do. He was a stranger in this boy’s house, he was invading his and his family’s privacy in a way, so he probably shouldn’t say anything, but he couldn’t just shut his mouth and pretend nothing was happening.

“You should tell someone.” His tone was matter-of-factly, not judgemental. Still, Jared’s head snapped back at Jensen with such intensity in his eyes that Jensen sat up straighter, eyebrows raised.

“I can’t. And you won’t tell anyone.” Jensen frowned and opened his mouth to say that if he thought he’d be helping, he’d tell someone. “If you do, I’ll tell them what you can do. And guess what? You’ll be kicked out. You’ll be thrown in the system.” At that, Jensen got mad. He hadn’t asked to be taken in, not by this family and not by any family. Sure, he was only fifteen, he couldn’t live on the streets, but the nerve this boy had to speak as if he was doing Jensen a favour was maddening.

“I know I’m just a charity case for you. Bringing me to your home, making me join your family is a strategy to gain more attention. You kick me out, I want to see how the paparazzi and your fans will react to that.” Jensen squinted his eyes in challenge and Jared was dumbstruck for a moment, but then he looked back at the floor and sighed. Jensen kept his eyes on Jared.

“I’m sorry. I… shouldn’t have snapped at you.” Jensen blinked a few times. He hadn’t expected an apology, not after Jared’s outburst. But then he remembered Jeff and Jensen wondered how many times Jared had to apologize, to backtrack from something he had said in his anguish. They silently sat there for a moment, until Jared took the towel from his neck and looked at it, and then Jensen could see that yes, the cut was indeed superficial, but it still needed tending. He got up slowly as to not scare Jared and started looking around the cabinets, trying to find something to put on Jared’s cut.

“I won’t tell.” Jensen said, looking at different bottles before finally finding the one he was looking for. “But you shouldn’t be treated like this. No one deserves this, and from what I’ve gathered, you’re a nice dude. You shouldn’t have to go through this bullshit.” Jared kept looking with wide eyes at Jensen for a long moment, not even noticing when Jensen extended his hand with the spray bottle so Jared could take care of his wound. Seeing that Jared was not moving – not even blinking – Jensen knelt on the floor in front of Jared and, bringing his hands to Jared’s chin, he tilted the boy’s face away as he sprayed the cut. He then got a bandage and put it on top to help with the bleeding.

When Jensen dared to look at Jared, Jared was blushing furiously and Jensen noticed their proximity. He blushed and stood up, putting some distance between the two of them. Jensen cleared his throat, averting his eyes, but Jared spoke first.

“I won’t tell either. About… what I saw. So you don’t have to worry.” Jensen mumbled a ‘thanks’ and walked to the door, but Jared spoke again, his voice barely above a whisper. “Thank you.” Jensen just nodded and left the bathroom and Jared to his own devices.

 

The following day, Jensen decided to pay Mark a visit, to get the update on Adrianne and her case. Jensen knew the girl was really upset about this whole ordeal, so he was worried she made Mark’s life hell while he tried to talk to her. He hoped not, because Jensen was certain Mark would help. As Sheppard had so pompously pointed out, he didn’t lose. And that was what Jensen wanted from him, but he was afraid Adrianne pushed him away, even if unintentionally.

As always, Jensen entered the building as if he owned the place, no one stopping him. The secretary tried to stop him, begged him to stay until he told Mark he had visitors, but Jensen just ignored him and entered the office. Mark looked up from his papers, eyebrows raised as he noticed who it was and he snickered before speaking.

“Of course it’s you. No one else enters here without warning me first.” Jensen closed the door behind him and walked closer to the desk, but didn’t sit. “But of course you’d come and see how it all went.” Jensen scoffed at that.

“Well, Adrianne Palicki is being crucified in the media.” He explained, even though he was curious to know how it all went. “You need to get out there and defend her.” That was supposed to be Sheppard’s job, wasn’t it? Mark pursed his lips and leant back on his chair, fingers crossed on top of his belly. He seemed a bit amused and Jensen only felt even more restless.

“Until I have irrefutable proof that she’s not a lunatic, I will not get involved with the public debate.” Jensen wanted to point out that Mark had spoken with Doctor Beaver, had heard his story, what had happened. He knew it was only because of that that Sheppard had accepted the job. So why was he being so difficult? However, before he could say anything, Mark waved a hand in his direction as he spoke. “It would help to have other people come forward. Like you, for example. Can I get your testimony?” Jensen’s blood froze and he stood there in complete uneasiness. He clenched his jaw tightly before swallowing against the lump on his throat.

“My testimony?” He played dumb and he knew his stiff posture, the hardness in his eyes and jaw, the way he couldn’t move altogether was selling him out. Nevertheless, how could he just accept that? How could he just admit out loud to anyone who wasn’t Jared – or another of Morgenstern’s victims – that he had been under the man’s claws?

“About you being another of Morgenstern’s victims.” Jensen clenched his jaw even harder and had to avert his eyes for a moment. “Adrianne told me. Why haven’t you? If this is so personal to you, you could have told me from the beginning.” Jensen snickered and started pacing.

“I’d be in the same position as Adrianne if I had told you. Or if my story went public.” Mark raised his eyebrows and Jensen could have sworn he saw worry in the man’s eyes, but it lasted a spot second. In the next moment he was completely composed again.

“Incarcerated?” To begin with, Jensen wanted to say, but he couldn’t. If he shared what he had done – what Morgenstern had made him do –, if anyone found out… It was hard enough to live with himself, with the guilt he carried every day, even though he tried to remind himself that it hadn’t been his fault, he didn’t know if he would bear it if he went to prison and had an eternity to remind what he’d done.

“Look, Morgenstern leaves a trail of broken people behind him. Get some of them to testify.” Mark put his elbows in his desk – a new one, Jensen noted – and leant forward.

“You get them, I’ll use them.” At that, Sheppard smiled, as if he was doing Jensen a favour. Jensen wanted to hit the man’s desk all over again, make a new hole in it, come back the next day and punch it again if he had bought a new one. But he didn’t.

“I’m busy trying to bring Morgenstern in. Change public perception and victims will come forward.” Jensen knew he had raised his voice, but Mark didn’t seem fazed. In fact, the man was the definition of controlled and collected, which only made Jensen more upset.

“If I go public, I undercut my credibility, which will hurt any argument I bring to trial.” Jensen knew the man had a point, he could see why Sheppard had a point, but it didn’t mean he had to like it. For now, he crossed his arms and pouted and Mark just sighed. “I’ll do what I can, Jensen. But for now, my hands are tied.” Mark seemed honest and Jensen had to give him some credit. Neither Jensen nor Adrianne would be able to pay for Mark’s services, and yet the man had accepted her case. “Go… do whatever it is you’re doing to catch Morgenstern. If I have anything, I’ll call you.”

Jensen fidgeted in his place for a moment before sighing, nodding and leaving. There was no point in fighting Mark right now. As he made his way out of the building, Jensen got his phone and texted Jared, asking him if he would like to meet. Jared replied less than five minutes later saying he was home making lunch and that he was more than welcome to join him if he wanted. So, Jensen made his way to Jared’s place.

He hadn’t been there since the night he went to Jared to ask for money, and he hadn’t even used the front door. The doorman wasn’t the same from when he lived there and he was wary to let Jensen in. The man kept eyeing his clothes, clearly judging his choice of attire as he rang Jared to ask if it was okay to let Jensen in. Jensen knew he was unfit for such a posh and rich neighbourhood, and while he had worn some brand clothes Jared had gotten him over the years when he lived here, now he felt more comfortable wearing the clothes he bought with his own money.

Jared opened the door as soon as Jensen arrived at his door, a huge smile on his face. Jensen smiled a bit awkwardly and entered. Jared went back to the kitchen and continued preparing the food as Jensen sat there and waited, unsure of how to start. This normalcy, though, this domesticity was too much for Jensen. He decided to just speak, then, breaking the tense – at least from Jensen’s side – silence.

“I need to ask for a favour. And yes, another.” Jared just raised his eyebrows and looked at Jensen as if telling him he was listening before looking back at the food. “You must’ve heard what people’ve been saying about Adrianne and I thought that if you could bring the topic up in an interview or something, let people know that Morgenstern is real, people, at least your fans, will listen to you and believe you.” At that, Jared stopped what he was doing and looked at Jensen with a frown.

“Jen, I do have some interviews scheduled for this week, but I doubt anyone will want to bring such topic up. We’re promoting a movie, people don’t want to hear about my opinions on delicate topics.” Jensen snickered, which only made Jared’s frown deepen.

“Of course not. They want to know about the movie and about your personal life. They want to find out if you’re gay or not, and if you are, if you’re dating that dude… What’s his name again? Steve? Stupid? No, Stephen, right? Stephen Amell?” Jared blushed at that and Jensen wanted to break someone’s neck. Even though they weren’t together, Jensen couldn’t help the wave of jealousy that overwhelmed him.

“I’m not dating Stephen, if that’s what you want to know.” Jared said, clearing his throat. And Jensen shrugged, even though he was delighted to hear that. “We did go on a few dates, but…” Jared looked intensely at Jensen for a moment before shaking his head – and Jensen knew. He knew Jared hadn’t started a relationship because he still loved him. It warmed Jensen’s heart, but at the same time, Jensen hated that he was happy Jared hadn’t moved on, even though he knew it would be best for them both. “Besides, it’s not like I’m pretending to be straight. No one actually asked me if I was gay, so I just haven’t said anything. If they ask, I’ll be honest.” Jensen continued silent for a while until Jared sighed. “Look, I’ll see what I can do, okay? Tomorrow I’ll have two interviews, one of them is in a radio. Why don’t you tag along and I try to bring it up?”

Jensen gaped at that and he would have kissed Jared if they were together. For now, he just opened a grateful, small smile. “Yeah, that sounds like a plan, then.” Jared smiled back and went back to cooking. They remained in silence for a moment, until Jared asked him to set the table. When they were finally seated and eating – Jensen finally having a real, homemade meal for once, Jared started talking again.

“So… Have you been hiding from Morgenstern?” Jared asked, clearly curious and worried. Jensen snickered and shrugged before replying.

“No.” Jared’s chewing got more aggressive, but he didn’t let any emotion seep into his face. “If he was coming for me, he’d have done it by now. I think with me, he’s more into torture and long-term suffering.” He tried to joke, but Jared was not amused, a vice grip on his silverware told Jensen all he needed to know about Jared’s feelings about this. Jensen sighed, wishing he could make Jared not worry about him. “I… just need to find some drugs.” Jared sputtered the drink he had just sipped from his glass and looked at Jensen with wide eyes.

“Upgrading from alcohol?” Jared tried to laugh it off, but Jensen could tell he was honestly worried. Jensen deadpanned for a moment before rolling his eyes.

“They’re for Morgenstern.” Jared continued looking at him with puzzlement, so Jensen continued. “Surgical anaesthesia knocks out his powers.” Jared gaped at him and put down his silverware.

“That’s huge. Why didn’t you bring this up earlier?” Jensen just shrugged. He knew it was hypocritical of him to ask Jared to talk about Morgenstern in an interview, but then try to keep him in the dark about something so relevant, so important about this whole situation. “How do we get some?” Jensen couldn’t help but open a small smile at the ‘we’ Jared slipped in, but he schooled his expression soon enough. “I mean, it doesn’t sound like something your average rug dealer would have.”

“Sufentanil is only available in hospitals, so unless you know some morally compromised, shady doctors…” He thought about Doctor Beaver and wondered why he hadn’t tried to contact the man before. Jensen continued eating and Jared mirrored him, but not for long. Soon Jared was shaking his head.

“All doctors I know save small villages.” Jensen deadpanned at that. Of course Jared only knew good doctors who probably wanted to save the world, much like Jared himself, and the many institutes he donated to. Jensen wanted to say something witty, something funny, but he didn’t think now was the most appropriate time.

“Figured.” He simply said. “I got it handled.” He already had plans. Calling Doctor Beaver would come first, then he’d try Danneel – surely someone who had a bar knew of a few drug dealers, right? – and if neither worked, he’d go into the hospital himself and get it. Jared just arched an eyebrow, knowing that however Jensen got the drugs, it would be highly illegal and maybe even dangerous, but he also probably knew nothing he said would change Jensen’s mind.

They ate in silence, stealing glances from one another from time to time and Jensen felt giddy, exhilarated; something he hadn’t felt in ages. He had missed this, had missed Jared. It was easy to just relax while in his company. After they finished eating, Jared went to take a shower while Jensen washed the dishes. He was unhappy to know that Stephen most probably was dropping by to rehearse for the upcoming film, so Jensen was only going to help with the dishes and flee before he had to look at that man’s face. Jensen sighed, knowing he was being unreasonable in his own head. From what he had seen Stephen genuinely cared for Jared and he was one of the nicest actors to work with, so Jensen should be happy for Jared to have someone like him in his life. However, the jealousy he felt was blinding.

After finishing with the dishes, Jensen made his way to Jared’s room – it used to be their room, once upon a time and sat on the bed, sighing as he listened to the water falling from the bathroom. He was lulled by it and almost fell asleep when the water flow was interrupted and a moment later Jared left the bathroom. Jensen gasped, in shock. Jared’s body was covered in bruises, some were abnormally big. They weren’t from being clumsy or even from the movies – Jensen knew how those looked like, and it wasn’t like Jared was even clumsy in the first place.

“What the hell, Jared!” Jensen was up and onto Jared in a moment, hands hovering over Jared’s body and Jared blushed prettily and crossed his arms, which made Jensen look at him. “Please tell me your mom is not back.” At that, Jared’s expression softened and he pulled Jensen close, making Jensen touch his bare skin. And he did, softly and carefully, terrified of hurting Jared. “Is this why you have the video surveillance and the steel-reinforced door?”

“And bulletproof windows, a safe room… I’ve made some upgrades.” Jared smiled at Jensen, his dimples showing and Jensen looked up into his eyes in disbelief – although, Jensen had to admit that it felt good to know how Jared was making sure to make it impossible for anyone to get to him.

“What you made is a fortress.” Jensen said with an air of awe and Jared only chuckled, letting go of Jensen enough to start walking out of the room. Jensen followed, obviously. “Jared, what are you afraid of?” Jared shrugged and looked at Jensen over his shoulder.

“Not much anymore.” He paused in front of the guest room door and smiled at Jensen. “Except for clowns, but that’s just common sense.” With that, he opened the door and Jensen was flabbergasted when he realized Jared had turned the room into a gym. Jared walked to the middle of the room while Jensen stood frozen at the doorway. “I needed a place to train.” Jensen stared at Jared, who was only wearing his jeans, boxer-briefs showing since Jared hadn’t had the time to put on a belt. Jensen noted Jared was even fitter than he had been before Jensen left, his packs were more obvious and he was clearly stronger. When he noticed he was staring, he cleared his throat and spoke as he looked around and entered the room.

“By ‘training’, you mean getting beaten purple.” Jensen had barely finished talking when he was thrown to the floor. He grunted at the impact and looked up at Jared who was standing up in all his glory, with a mischievous smile on his face.

“No one touches me anymore unless I want them to.” Jared said firmly, but he still had a smile on his face, clearly proud of himself. And, well, Jensen had to admit that it was pretty badass. Sometimes Jared had to train for roles, but he had never been like this, not this strong at least, so he had to admit it was impressive. “I let you fight my battles for too long. When you left…” Jared shrugged, as if that explained everything.

“You became a ninja?” Jensen asked, putting a hand up, to which Jared took and helped pull him up. Jared’s other hand went to Jensen’s waist once he was standing up, keeping their bodies close together and Jensen could feel his cheeks burning from excitement and arousal.

“Krav Maga. More brutal.” It was obvious in his tone now how proud he was of himself and Jensen wanted to say the same, but nothing came out of his mouth. They stared intently at each other for a long moment, until Jared’s smile grew fond and he started leaning in. Jensen closed his eyes and he could feel Jared’s warm breath on his face when the intercom started ringing. Jared groaned and Jensen jumped back, putting some space between them.

Fuck. As much as he wanted Jared, he shouldn’t be doing this. He shouldn’t let Jared fall for him yet again. Jared walked out of the room and Jensen did the same, closing the door behind himself. When he arrived at the living room, Jared looked a bit sad and Jensen understood that this was his cue to leave. Stephen had arrived and Jensen didn’t want to see him there in Jared’s place – where it once had been _their_ place.

“Well, I guess I’m going then. Gotta get the drugs.” Jared nodded and walked him to the door. They stood there awkwardly for a moment, neither knowing exactly what to say. “Text me with the info for tomorrow.” Jensen said and Jared nodded again. Jensen nodded as well and turned his back to leave, but then Jared tugged at his wrist and brought him back to his body, giving him a light, but firm peck on the lips. The next moment Jared was letting go and he was blushing violently, but he had a satisfied smile on his face.

“Sorry about that.” He wasn’t sorry at all and Jensen could see right through him. However, Jensen just nodded dumbly, turned his back and left. Fortunately, Jensen didn’t cross paths with Amell and belatedly he hoped Jared had put some shirt or anything to cover himself up – not only because he disliked the idea of Stephen ogling Jared, but also because he didn’t want Stephen to see how badly beaten Jared was. He felt like he should be the one to see it, to know about it. For years he had been Jared’s only confidant.

Shaking his head, Jensen admonished himself for being jealous of Jared after he had just thought that Jared deserved better than him. He sighed, disappointed with himself as he walked home. Some blocks later, Jensen remembered he had thought about calling Doctor Beaver, so he did just that, trying to contact him in the school he was teaching, but the man had quit his job and when Jensen asked if he had left a phone number or an address, he was dumbstruck when he found out he had moved to Japan. The man did run, when he wanted. Good for him, Jensen thought.

His next option was Danneel, so he made his way to her house. He was grateful that they were on speaking terms, and that the girl seemed to actually enjoy his company. Jensen thought they would have been great friends if it weren’t for the circumstances; and yes, he knew it was a jerk move to ask her help when Jensen had inflicted so much pain in her, even if she was unaware of such things. However, this was for the greater good – or so he told himself. He needed the drugs to stop Morgenstern, he needed Danneel’s help to save Adrianne and other people who might fall under Morgenstern’s radar and end up broken like him and Adrianne.

With his head held high, Jensen entered Danneel’s building and rang the bell to her apartment. A moment later Danneel’s frowning face was melting into surprise. Jensen tried a small smile and a wave, still a bit awkward.

“Jensen? What are you doing here?” Before Jensen could say anything, Danneel shook her head and smiled. “I mean, come in. Want water? I don’t have alcohol here.” She chuckled and Jensen entered her apartment slowly, sheepishly.

“Nah, thanks.” He looked around and noticed a small photograph turned down on the sofa, so without thinking twice, he took it and turned the picture, heart almost stopping when he saw whose picture this was from. His breath hitched and Danneel came closer, raising a hand as if telling Jensen he should give it back. He did, feeling even more guilty than he was before coming to visit her.

“She’s dead.” There was sadness in her tone and she looked at the photo with longing, thin fingers touching the girl’s face in the photo so softly, so careful not to ruin the picture. “I didn’t bring her up before because I didn’t want you to worry about a dead wife.” Jensen was frozen in place, unable to speak. Danneel looked away from the photo and Jensen could see unshed tears in her eyes, but she simply walked into her room and when she came back, the picture wasn’t with her anymore. It was enough to let Jensen breathe.

“I’m sorry.” He said, finally. Danneel was confused for a moment, noticing how intense his apology sounded, but she soon brushed it off and smiled at him, sitting at the couch and waving a hand so Jensen could make himself at home. He sat as well, rigid, avoiding Danneel’s eyes.

“Look, you came here for a reason, and apparently you have someone else so you didn’t come for sex. And I’m pretty sure you didn’t come to talk about my dead wife.” She stopped and Jensen made himself look up at her. “So?” He sighed, running a hand through his face before speaking.

“Do you know any drug dealers?” Danneel didn’t seem fazed by the question, she simply raised an eyebrow.

“What are you looking for?” So she did know a few.

“It’s called Sufentanil. It’s for surgical anaesthesia.” Jensen finally had a reaction from Danneel, whose eyes widened and she looked shocked and curious at the same time. But then she schooled her expressions and frowned, clearly thinking.

 “Can’t help with that.” She said after a moment, but she was still frowning. She turned, sitting on her side so she could look better at Jensen. Jensen did the same, but he was starting to feel a bit fidgety at the long, inquisitive stare. “Can I ask why you need it?” There it was. Jensen knew it would come to this and he’d have to explain.

“Remember when you asked me if I thought there were other people out there like us?” Danneel nodded slowly, probably wondering what that had anything to do with a drug that could knock people out enough for surgery. “What if there was someone else out there, but his ability was to make people do whatever he wanted?” Danneel looked around for a moment before looking back at Jensen.

“You mean, like mind control?” Jensen licked his lips before replying.

“Or exactly mind control.” Danneel remained in silence for a moment, probably considering his question, before shrugging.

“Is this about the case with the girl? The one the cops inquired me about?” Jensen averted his eyes, not exactly wanting to confirm, but knowing it would be impossible to say otherwise. “Girl shot her parents in cold blood in your building claims some guy made her do it?” Now Danneel’s tone was condescending and Jensen squinted his eyes as he looked at the woman. She even snickered at her own comment. “I think she’s crazy.” Perhaps Danneel saw the look on his face because she soon explained. “Every other night at the bar you find someone arguing with the voices in their heads.” Jensen looked her straight in the eye, levelling with her.

“What if I believed her? Would that change your mind?” Danneel sighed and put her elbow on the back of the couch, head on her hand as he looked at Jensen, considering.

“I believe that you believe it.” Jensen scowled at that and mimicked Danneel’s position on the couch.

“Says the girl with unbreakable skin.” His tone was mocking and Danneel’s face darkened slightly, her eyes squinting at him, almost in disbelief that he’d say something like that.

“You can see my skin. You can touch it. But you got no idea what my mind is thinking.” There was a challenge there, Jensen could see it, but Jensen knew better than to bite the bait. They were finally in good terms after what had happened with Katie, and Jensen was once again screwing up Danneel’s life. He had no right in arguing with her, in trying to convince her about Morgenstern. In fact, it would be better if she didn’t know about the man’s existence.

Jensen sighed and stood up, Danneel stood up as well, a question on her face. “I should go. I really need to get the drugs.” Danneel nodded and walked him to the door, opening it for him to go, but before he left he turned to her with a solemn expression on his face. “Thank you for you help. And sorry for dropping by without texting you first.” At that, Danneel gave a small smile.

“Hey, don’t worry. We’re friends. I didn’t even help.” Jensen gave a small smile back at her and nodded before finally leaving. Promising himself this was the last time he was going to see Danneel.

Jensen went back home and finally called some firm to come to his apartment and look at his door. It would be fixed the next day and Jensen was glad that he wouldn’t have to worry about privacy anymore for a while now. He sat on his computer afterwards with a new bottle of whiskey in his hand as he researched more about Sufentanil. How much would he need to steal? How much should he give someone to knock them out without them dying or having any other side effect? How may times could he use it on someone? How long would people sleep?

It was only after he had all these questions answered that he decided to call it a night. He ordered in and went to sleep. This time, sleep came easy, but his dreams were haunted by a man in a purple suit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and leave a kudo! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a kudo and comment! :) Thank you for reading!


End file.
